The sober week has really whooshed by with work, mechanic visits, and high school graduation.
Wine remains, saddened, in box and I, smugly clean & serene.
When I most want that wine:
- Driving home from work (right past the store where I BUY MY WINE)
- Dinner food prep
- After dinner
- After I return from some errand I have to do after work
- After completing a project (wine treat!!)
But now I know I am not suffering my personal prohibition alone: my very good friend and coworker cheerily announced this week that she, too, is abstaining. So we compared our statuses and our habits, right down to the patio, are almost identical! Isn’t that bizarre?? Or does it mean that we middle aged ladies are particularly susceptible to this sort of behavior? We are the ones who post the amusing quips and pictures online (e.g. Winebulance, Wine glass in soap holder in bathtub, assorted wine-witted e-cards) and we laugh about it and say, “Hey Marge, this is YOU!” but it’s actually us. So we’re in this group, this club if you will, where everyone’s behavior is the same and therefore acceptable and the norm.
So let’s look at what is considered acceptable:
A single, regulation-size. 5oz glass of wine is perfectly acceptable during or after dinner-unless you are Mormon, Muslim, Amish, J Dubs and probably several I missed– but APART FROM THAT, I think we can all agree that is socially acceptable.
Two glasses? Well, why not, after all they are ONLY 5 OUNCES and that is really just enough to finish off your pork chop. You should relax with another, no prob.
Three?? Three, you say? Well, if you opened the bottle and you’re sharing it with someone then three makes perfect sense (it will actually only be 2 1/2 if you’re sharing– ask me how I know!!!)
Four glasses… now we’re getting into the questionable territory. If you’re wine glasses are fairly large, four glasses is an entire bottle. It can go down before you notice! Most of us sip, sip, siiiiip while we’re doing other things, get up refill, siiiiip, make dinner, refill, siiiip. It takes me anywhere from 3 to 5 hours to get through a whole bottle.
So I guess I would say I’m level 4 most nights and I know for fact that I am not alone in this.
Level 4 is difficult to maintain, not just from the financial perspective but from the logistical.
- I have to acquire the wine & cigs, make sure I have plenty of both for the evening because I can’t leave the house for either once I’ve started (unless I’m walking and YES I HAVE DONE THAT.) Can’t. Leave. The. House. WTF?? I have been literally imprisoning myself in a wine cocoon.
- I have to “manage my intake” so I don’t drink too fast, get too drunk, and fall asleep at 8pm. I have make sure my last glass is started by 8pm so I can go to bed at 11
- Usually with a hangover, headache, sour stomach
- Doesn’t always work– last glass sometimes accompanies me for the 10 pm news
- I have to make sure I have dinner before starting on glass # 3 or I will be very drunk, have headache, and be unable to sleep.
So that is pretty much my whole wine-y evening. Now that I’m looking at it written out it looks like A BIG DRAG and super time-suck. So I think I’ll just stop doing it.
It’s been a good week. I occasionally find myself completely horrified at the thought of not being able to take my bottle-friend onto the patio and while away the hours. The drinky-lady inside me says, “Hey! I’m an ADULT and I should be able to do whatever the hell I want!” She then tells me how much FUN it is, and that I won’t be partaking in ALL THAT FUN anymore. The part of me that used to drink 1 single glass with/after dinner is angry as well. She feels that it’s NOT HER FAULT that wino-woman cannot control herself and is RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE. Maybe so. Those two will need to cool their respective jets for the moment.