Treats and Circular Thinking

So now that I’m a sober-lady, I’m super productive. By my standards which, I grant you, are somewhat forgiving. And with all this gettin’ ‘er done going on, what do I think about when my MONUMENTAL tasks are completed?

WINE TREAT!!

Here’s the loop in my logic: I only got these things done because I am no longer getting hammered on wine. But I want to reward myself with wine when I get them done. But if I drink the wine I won’t get them done.

STUPID BRAIN!!

So. I’m not doing it and must divorce the winey buzz from my bag of treats.

At this moment, I am TERRIFIED of wine. I can take or leave a beer, you can only drink so many anyway and it makes me bloat, I could never drink enough beer to really  get my buzz on. I could probably sip a cocktail (I am NOT GOING TO) and be fine. But the wine must be kept away from my face. One of my friends who is also a bottle-a-nighter is in the same sitch. She posited that it may be the sugar in the red wine we adore that we are craving. I don’t know what it is, but THE VINES OF EVIL ARE WRAPPED AROUND MY SOUL. *that was poetic, you may weep*

I have plenty of treats, don’t get me wrong. After reading millions (well dozens) of blogs and hearing sober bloggers write about AF bevs (I was like, WTF is AF? Air force? Is it a military thing??) then finally realized they meant near-beer, I started picking up a sixer here and there and experimenting with various brands (which led to the accidental purchase of actual beer- some of the labels were in German, not my fault) and chugging a few in the evening. And that’s okay, but the other night I grabbed a seltzer instead and had the same experience (fizzy, not much flavor, no buzz).

I have my Sweet tea (the Wine of the South), my kombucha, my diet fudge-icles, my cawwfee. I’m all good.

So I don’t know if I’ll ever sip another delicious red glass of the Devil’s Saliva or not. Right now, I’m thinking no. I’ll just have to twist my head around (not not like Linda Blair exactly, but similar) and see things differently.

I am not in the world, the world is in me.

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