For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere (the NorHem), it’s summer. (Yes, yes, you’re welcome for the NEWS FLASH.) The point is, there’s something about summer that makes people want to get their drink on. Booze is everywhere in the summer, right out there in your face. People have parties in the summer. There are festivals and concerts, days spent on the patio with bbq and beers. The PN-Dub is FAMOUS for this. You can’t swing a dead vodka bottle without hitting some BrewFest, or Food&Brew, or Seafood & Wine Fest, or Corn & Moonshine Shindig, 5k Craft Whiskey Run or “Hey We’re Just Going To NOT Give This Thing A Theme And Get Fucked Up In The Park” Fest. We got ’em.
At our vacation chalet in Central Oregon, all was quiet until the Bach’ Squad pulled in Friday night. A bunch of (I’m sure) of upstanding middle-aged fellows who had clearly ditched their wives to “cut loose” for the weekend at the Bach’ Chalet two doors down. *spoiler alert: they were drinking*
This is what people DO in the summer. So I asked myself: why is this so AWESOME?
I got nothing.
Some people are saying that they feel as if they are “missing out”. We are! We are missing out on:
- not being able to drive ourselves home
- trying to hide how drunk we are from our kids
- wondering if we can make it to the bathroom without falling over a lawn chair
- booming headache
- iffy bowels
- saying/doing silly things we may later regret
- eating a bunch of crappy junk food that we wouldn’t touch while sober
- not remembering who said what (even when it was ourselves)
- drinking all day in the sun and then having a hangover the SAME NIGHT and a sun burn
Now I have not forgotten my dear friends in the SoHem. I am not saying it’s any easier for you, in fact for those who are nightly indoor drinkers or partial to local pubs it can be just as stressful in the winter (as we summer’ers shall see soon enough!) Also, stayed tuned for Winter, Why Dost Thou Plague Me?
The point is NO ONE is having more fun than we, regardless of whether or not they are holding an adult beverage. They’re just not. You’re probably already fun. You’re probably much more fun sober than drunk. I am! I’m wearing a funny hat and blowing a confetti horn RIGHT NOW FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON. FUN. HAVING IT.
Soooooo, Miss Betty La La, why did you drink?? (you may be asking). Ima answer that like rowdy cowboys in bar listening to Hank Williams Jr: “To get drunk!” I got nothing else. It didn’t make me fun, it made me a drag. NO ONE WANTS THAT.
To sum up: Summer. Don’t be a drag. Family Tradition.
I’ll leave you now with a few bars of “Seasons in the Sun”….