Grocery Amusements and Vexing Lack of Lavender Products

I like a lavender product. I do. Anything I can get my hands on that smells vaguely of lavender, I’m buying it. I tried to grow my own lavender but the girl teen pulled it out of the ground when I asked her to do some “weeding”- actual weeds untouched. I’m not shitting you, she pulled almost every one of my herbs and completely ignored the weed forest on the hill.

So when I went to the store tonight to get fixins for my son’s 18th birthday dinner, I realized I was out of several types of detergent (get this: my HUSBAND called to tell me we were out of laundry soap. Mhmmmm. Keeper)

But alas NO LAVENDER PRODUCTS. No lavender dishwasher detergent, no lavender laundry soap. My M.O. pretty much is to buy the cheapest shit I can find that smells like lavender- nothing. I will PAY MORE if it’s smells the way I need to smell. But no. My choices for dishwasher pods were orange (gagging), lemon (really? it’s so tired) and “fresh”. What the fuck is “fresh”?? As opposed to “fish-heads” or possibly “gym socks”?? At least I can take the lid off the laundry soap and smell the Linen and Lily before I buy it. And you KNOW I do that. Shampoo too.

Another amusement: I’m buying ice cream and I’m looking for Denali Moose Tracks- because that is the SHIT. So they have three levels of Moose Tracks: the tame one with vanilla and fudge bits- just Moose Tracks, the Extreme Moose Tracks- chocolate ice cream with fudge, and the (I’m not making this up) EXTREME MAXIMUM MOOSE TRACKS. It’s like chocolate fudge ice dream with more fudge in it.  If you are ever confronted with these choices, you really must choose MAXIMUM. I’m still jacked up from it, and I didn’t really have that much. I may not sleep. On the other hand, maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe you can’t HANDLE it.

So I’m checking out with my NA beer (all they have there is the O’Douls- ANOTHER GROCERY FAIL, where’s my comment card??) and the kid who is ringing up my stuff says, (and I doubt he was old enough to drink, all these kids under 30 look like they’re my son’s age) “Is this any good??” So I said, “Yes, and it’s almost beer!” and he said, “What?” So I told him it was non-alcoholic and he said, “What’s the point?”  Without hesitating I replied, “If you like beer but don’t drink.” And he nodded thoughtfully.

So what IS the point? For me, it tastes like beer…beer that never gives you a buzz. A kinder, gentler beer, if you will. The store also has NA wine, but I’m a bit afraid of it, that I might want real wine if I drink it. So I’m sticking with the near-beer for now. I gotta say, it sure has made sobriety easier.

Speaking of which, I finally hauled all the bottles and cans off the balcony, out to the recycle bins and I was SO PROUD that almost all of them were NA’s! The ones that weren’t were from “before”, which doesn’t really highlight my housekeeping skills, does it. Eh.

Also got the sun shade up on the balcony to keep the pesky sun out of my bedroom (because NO ONE enters my bedroom uninvited).  (see Hammer Down post if you’re interested.)

So that was my day! One more day off then back to work Wednesday..sigh.