The List of Worthy Things and An Unfortunate Beer

Long ass day. Myself and two of my coworkers are in a training class all week, traveling an hour or more each way in traffic. The days are loooong, 12 hours plus. So I’m tired, but I thought this was amusing. One of the first things we looked at in our books, the chapter about Being an Installer was this:


Whew! I guess I dodged a bullet with number 2. And I think everything else on that list would be compromised by number two as well. Mind you my job is to get up on ladders, use power tools and just be generally scrappy. Now I’m thinking back to the days when I did all this shit with A BOOMING HANGOVER. I’m completely horrified. The potential for me, with my fuzzy little mind, to have hurt myself or others is very real. (Also, we heard a story about an installer losing his finger because he wore his wedding ring at work and got it caught on something…so thinking seriously about getting a tattooed ring.) And that could have happened to ME.

It didn’t and I’m fine as are unwitting coworkers, so like I said, dodged it. I’d like to say I couldn’t have pulled this long week off while I was drinking, but it’s not true. We did a class last fall and I drank so much one night I wanted to call in sick, but couldn’t let coworkers down so I dragged my sorry ass in. You know what I mean, “pulling it off.”

But not this time! I got up at 5:30 (not worrying about whether I might still be drunk), styled fancy new hair-do (and thanks to all you folks for your love on the new do, I guess if it looked bad you’d have just given me a “like” and shaken your heads in a “what has she DONE?” manner), got to wear “nice clothes” for a change, actual stylish blue jeans that fit me now (yay!!), new shirt from the much-maligned Costco trip (DKNY! $6!!), makeup, and the full accessory complex (since there was no danger in class of losing a body part.) I looked great! I felt insanely good. Was cat-walking doen the hallway to the classroom with my theme-song playing in my head’ “Venus”. IT’S ALL HAPPENING!!

So now that I’ve crowed about that shit, it’s time to fess up: I drank an actual beer last night. Yes, it’s true, the Demon Alcohol entered my body. Here’s what happened (I feel like I need to EXPLAIN): We went on a quest for NA beer that wouldn’t wreck me like the O’Douls, so the Beers of The World Mart (that’s not what it’s called) seemed a logical place. I grabbed my Clausthaler and spouse decided he wanted an ACTUAL beer. And I said fine. That’s not true, I said “Fuck yah!” and so we got a six-pack of each. I’m not going to lie, it was a nice beer, a Sierra Nevada Summer Lager, and it went down tasty. But I literally felt like shit (not emotionally, but physically) as soon as I drank it. It made me slightly dizzy and a sleepy and generally gave me a feeling of ALREADY BEING HUNGOVER. Um, no thanks. So that was it. Crawled into bed and set my alarm for 5:30. There is nothing THERE for me. Nothing I want.

So it’s not so much that I fell off the wagon, as I leaned over the edge rather precariously. I remember my first trip down sobriety lane when on the few occasions I have a glass of wine, I’d feel crappy like that. And I said to myself, your body doesn’t WANT this. And that kept me sober for a long time. Once you’ve gone without alcohol for an extended period, your body starts to revert to where it was before you ever drank, where you had to FORCE it down and push through the shit feeling to get to the buzz. But now I’m like, meh, that’s a lot of work. It also scares the piss out of me.

So I’m not doing it. My body has spoken, and the word is a resounding “Nay!!” Wagon is once again on the trail (oddly enough, the college where classes are held is on the Trails End Hwy, as in Oregon Trail, so wagons are a most appropriate metaphor.)


17 thoughts on “The List of Worthy Things and An Unfortunate Beer

  1. Do you think if you hadn’t been doing NA beer you wouldn’t have had a real one? I was thinking about getting some fancy NA ones. But now I don’t think I will! I’m so glad you wrote about it. That was brave! You could so easily have glossed over it. The haircut, the beer – you are questioning & conquering your fears! And isn’t it amazing what we used to do hungover! Gah! It’s so much nicer to wake up & feel pretty. Lori

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is a really good question!! I’ll have to think about it. I thought about that too, not mentioning it but it helped me to confess and I thought it might help other people to know that sometimes you miss the mark, but it’s not the end of the world.
      Nice to hear from you Lori!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Aw, snap! Consider it part of the learning process, and your body was telling you it didn’t want the (real) beer! Keep yer wagon steady 🙂 Big Clausthaler fan here!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your brain said “yes”, your body went “hell no”. Good on you for listening to your body and not the other, and at least now you know, it’s not a matter of “wonder if” from now on in.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I wish the microbreweries would hop on the NA bandwagon. I’d love a larger selection to choose from.

    I’m glad your wagon didn’t veer from the trail, just a little bump. ☺


  5. I’m on day 5 here ( again) .
    Reading this highlighted for me the fact that traps are sprung everywhere early on when you’re not drinking !
    I mean , I feel so much like I’m walking through a minefield …. That some days it’s better to just stay in the house ..( but then there’s hubby’s beer in the garage fridge but I tell myself ” beer wasn’t my thing , that’s HIS area,
    off limits to me )
    But , truthfully , the biggest agent of sabotage is my mind !
    I’ll be driving along going to the super market and damn , there’s that ( neural) pathway ! Or right across the street the liquor store ! My car could almost drive itself there !!! Especially after work !
    Thank God in NYS no wine in the supermarket !

    maybe you could get yourself more fact sober drinks ! I like schweppes Indian tonic water with fresh lime juice ! I like the lime Perrier water !
    glad your back on it !


    1. Yah, really have to keep choosing, everytime. Day 5 is tough because you’re still in the habit. Day 80 is also tough because you start to wonder if the “reset button” has worked if maybe you can go back to it. But it’s the same choice no matter how long you’ve been sober.
      I think I’m over the fancy drinks, really prefer plain sparkling water or tea or Coke.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. That’s what tripped me up after the hundred day challenge , I though I could try drinking moderately again or just have one glass of wine at a social event ( I get very anxious )
    WRONG !!!! I was right back to square one !
    Sally xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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