I read a lot of posts about aspiring soberizers being concerned about what to tell people when they’ve decided not to drink anymore. I haven’t run into this issue, mostly because no one I know gives a tin shit whether I’m drinking or not, but also because I think it’s no one’s biz by my own why I’m doing anything and never feel compelled to answer a question I don’t want to answer. I’m stealth like that. When I want to look at a website and it comes to the part where they want you to “log in” I generally click away as I already have 20K plus messages in my gmail box and 85% are commercial distributions. You want my birthday? You’ll get “a birthday”, probably won’t be mine. May or may not be my actual name. You get the picture.
But I started thinking about some ready-made answers that could be filed away for use at a later time when you are confronted by busybodies and can’t think of what to say:
- I’ve already had enough. People who are drinking will have no idea how much other people are actually drinking.
- I’m driving– no comeback for this
- I’m on meds. What kind?? “Well…I can’t remember the name..don’t worry, my doctor said I’m only 75% contagious right now so…wait, where are you going??”
- I’m on a cleansing fast (do not let them see your plate of bacon wrapped prawns)
- I’ve become a Mormon (decline to show them your “underwear”)
- I’m training for a weightlifting competition and alcohol reacts strongly with the steroids
- The Reverend Moondog Fallamundo says alcohol is “clouding my aura”
- I am!! (belch loudly)
- What’s that thing over there??
- I’m going to a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and I have to finish my Magenta costume.
- I’m on a diet (again, hide mac-n-cheese bites)
- I’m giving it up for lent.
- I have a drinking problem – then promptly spill soft-drink on your forehead, Airplane! style.
- I NEVER drink on Thursdays! Do YOU?? (look aghast)
- Hmmmmmmm…..(just hmmmmmm)
- Nod and smile
- Develop twitch in one eye
- Ask them to go get you one, scoot away while they are gone
- Pour water into a wineglass and tell them it’s corn liquor (It’ll get you there quicker!)
So there ya go, hope this helps!