What To Say To Drinkers About Your Not-drinking

I read a lot of posts about aspiring soberizers being concerned about what to tell people when they’ve decided not to drink anymore. I haven’t run into this issue, mostly because no one I know gives a tin shit whether I’m drinking or not, but also because I think it’s no one’s biz by my own why I’m doing anything and never feel compelled to answer a question I don’t want to answer. I’m stealth like that. When I want to look at a website and it comes to the part where they want you to “log in” I generally click away as I already have 20K plus messages in my gmail box and 85% are commercial distributions. You want my birthday? You’ll get “a birthday”, probably won’t be mine. May or may not be my actual name. You get the picture.

But I started thinking about some ready-made answers that could be filed away for use at a later time when you are confronted by busybodies and can’t think of what to say:

  1. I’ve already had enough– People who are drinking will have no idea how much other people are actually drinking.
  2. I’m driving– no comeback for this
  3. I’m on meds. What kind?? “Well…I can’t remember the name..don’t worry, my doctor said I’m only 75% contagious right now so…wait, where are you going??”
  4. I’m on a cleansing fast (do not let them see your plate of bacon wrapped prawns)
  5. I’ve become a Mormon (decline to show them your “underwear”)
  6. I’m training for a weightlifting competition and alcohol reacts strongly with the steroids
  7. The Reverend Moondog Fallamundo says alcohol is “clouding my aura”
  8. I am!! (belch loudly)
  9. What’s that thing over there??
  10. I’m going to a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and I have to finish my Magenta costume.
  11. I’m on a diet (again, hide mac-n-cheese bites)
  12. I’m giving it up for lent.
  13. I have a drinking problem – then promptly spill soft-drink on your forehead, Airplane! style.
  14. Run
  15. I NEVER drink on Thursdays! Do YOU?? (look aghast)
  16. Hmmmmmmm…..(just hmmmmmm)
  17. Nod and smile
  18. Develop twitch in one eye
  19. Ask them to go get you one, scoot away while they are gone
  20. Pour water into a mason jar and tell them it’s corn liquor.
  21. Because.

So there ya go, hope this helps!


14 thoughts on “What To Say To Drinkers About Your Not-drinking

  1. heehee—i like number 3 LOL i actually found out last night that saying “No. No Thanks” works really, really well…so simple, right? i’m pretty sure that if anyone were to argue with me about it, that would just make me more stubborn in saying NO, so that’s a win-win for me! funnily enough, nobody seemed to care about my drinking/not drinking but me. go figure.

    thanks for the post!


    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is great. I, too wrestle with the answer to that question that will show the fewest panty lines. I’ve been saying, “not yet,” which was great at first, because I’m transparent and that wad the truth. Now, I think the answer might be, “never,” which I don’t want to say. But if I do, I’m going to say it like a tiny shrill supervillain: “NEVER!! NEVAHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA!”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha! so Funny! That happens at almost every work gathering I attend – I work for a winery and live in the Napa Valley. I used to get so uncomfortable about not drinking at events and the fact is that most people don’t care. For the few that do, my tactic is to be unshakably confident and never apologize. If that even rarer occasion happens where someone presses the issue, I’ll say, ‘I’ve made a life choice that works great for me. If you think my story will be helpful to you I’d be happy to sit and talk to you about it some time’. those importunate few usually back down at that point.

    Liked by 1 person

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