My Sober App (sober tools) keeps track of my number of days sober and money not spent on alcohol. (I’d like to say “money saved” but LET’S BE HONEST.)
It also gives me helpful little messages, just random sober thoughts, and a few days ago I thought I’d peruse them. Just for the hell of it….
Here’s what I read:
My Disease is in the parking lot doing pushups
The nature of the disease of addiction is that it gets stronger even when not using. That’s why someone who picks up a drug after a period of sobriety usually has such prompt dire consequences. The reason someone thinks of picking up a drug is because of a trigger, like stress or bitterness. Someone may also be in denial after a period of sobriety, thinking that there is no longer a problem or that no problem really ever existed. This denial causes the addict to think that meetings are no longer necessary. That is why it is so important to talk to someone if you start questioning whether or not you are an addict so that you can be reminded of where your drug use took you.
It is important to do a spiritual activity as soon as possible. Prayer and connection with a recovering person is necessary. Remember sobriety is a daily reprieve and that you do need to keep up with your treatment regimen.
I DON’T EVEN HAVE A “REGIMEN”. Meanwhile, my addiction is apparently juicing up and pumping weights down at 24 Hour Fitness so it can go nutso with ‘roid rage and clothesline me whilst I’m bringing in the groceries one day.
Are you kidding me?????
There was a bit of panic, the same feeling you get when someone asks how prepared you are for a natural disaster (or in the case of Eastern Oregon, inevitable political unrest and subsequent freedom-fighting).
I totally get this: every time you fall off your wagon, it seems the wagon has grown taller. The higher your horse, the harder you hit. This happened to me before and I’m here to tell you it’s all true.
I’m not in denia right now…. but what about in a year? 2 years? Will I wonder what the fuss was about and decide it’s time to return to normal? Will I believe there was a normal?
This, for me, is a reminder:
It’s ok to be sober and smug, but complacency or downplaying of addiction will not fly. Not for one minute can I blithely or wistfully recall the drinking days, or look at my sobriety like it’s anything less than an amazing gift. From me to me.
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