Just returned from my anniversary weekend trip to the coast. HOLY SHIT, I’M EXHAUSTED. It’s only two hours’ drive but somehow the weekend just sucks the life out of you, even when it’s good times.
What I noticed about Florence (Oregon, not Italy) is that every restaurant we dined at had some sort of NA option; you don’t see that around here and I live in a much bigger city. But THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN in Florence, they want NA beer AMEN. Mostly I drank ginger beer. Thought briefly about trying to get a mocktail but none of the bartenders seemed really receptive to it and certainly don’t want to STRESS ANYONE OUT at their job as they figure out how the hell they’re going to substitute for the rum????
Whatever. It was a fun, active weekend. We bought art. We took tons of photos. There was hiking and walking and dune buggys, shopping and eating and quite a bit of time chilling out in the hotel just sprawled out on the bed. I did not think once about drinking, even though our last trip to Florence was quite boozy. A friend asked me if the sober anniversary was weird, and I had to say no. It was just as it should have been, with the added bonus of me being able to recall every minute of it and AT NO TIME shuffling around like the walking dead with my hangover screaming.
Now, for the vexing items: work has been rather rough. There is some unfortunate and needless drama going on that’s really causing stress for several of us. I was extremely wound up last week, to the point where I wasn’t sleeping and unable to enjoy the first day of my vacation without being distracted. UNACCEPTABLE.
This is on top of finding out that my second (previously rental) home has a leak in the furnace oil tank (I found this out after I had 100 gallons of diesel pumped into it–yes, that’s GALLONS. I know, holy shit!!). The oil cannot be pumped out due to the ridiculous antiquity of the oil tank and pipe placement and angles, having been installed juuuust north of the end of Prohibition. After 19-oh-dirt, but before Pearl Harbor, if ya catch my drift. So at the suggestion of the two oil delivery guys (two of them, yes, we called for a second opinion) we are running the furnace until the tank is dry. WHICH SOUNDS RIDICULOUS TO ME. But that’s what’s going on.
So I already hadn’t slept well for days, then this work BULLSHIT. I was seething. There was much gnashing of teeth (4 out of 5 dentists do not recommend gnashing of any sort). I thought my head was going to explode at one point, or at least pop a vein. I felt like my eyes were drying out from popping open in ABJECT HORROR.
But wtf, you can’t stay like that forever, right? So I let it go. I went crazy because I was trying to figure out what I needed to do, how this needed to be IMMEDIATELY RESOLVED. But in the end, I chose not to decide. Because I don’t know how I want to handle it- if at all.
Oddly, at no time did it occur to me to buy wine or smokes. I thought that stress might send me over the edge to where I’d I have to cling to sobriety’s edge with my finger nails. But, yah, no. I’m good.
The oil tank will take care of itself and run out of fuel (just like it used to do when I was LIVING in that house,–in the middle of the winter, on a Saturday night).
The work thing will resolve as long as I don’t make myself part of the drama and remain a spectator rather than a cast member.
I’m still sober because none of these things, no matter how shitty or upsetting, can make me do something I don’t want to do.
And everything else is a walk on the beach.