So drinky-lady was in the car with me on the ride home from work today. You know in those episodes of A Haunting when the person is telling the ghost story and in the re-enactment the person is driving in a car and all of a sudden the ghost du jour suddenly appears all scarily in the rear view mirror?? Ok, it was like that.
It’s because I’m tired. Today I traveled for work (3 hour round trip in the rain), had one 20 minute break in which I ate a rice cake and cheese stick, then spent the rest of the day on a ladder inside a ceiling. I’m not whining (well, technically I am ACTUALLY WHINING) but it’s not my point- my point is, I’m tired. And when I was drinking, if I was so tired I couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, couldn’t eat- I’d drink. Because it’s fairly simple to pull off, and it requires very little coordination (hence all my broken wine glasses).
So I’m driving home from work and drinky-lady pops into my head and says, “Say! You’re going to be pretty fucking worthless for the rest of the day annnnyway…wouldn’t a bottle of wine just be SO NICE??”
Now, drinky-lady (let’s call her Doris, shall we? ) Doris has been with me, lo, these many years and (as you all probably know from experience with your own Dorises) you can’t always just blow her off. Sometimes you can, but in most cases Doris dislikes being DISMISSED and she’ll just keep NAGGING MY ASS.
So I’m all, “Doris. Tell me mooooore. Tell me all about how awesome this bottle of wine is going to be for me. Tell me ALL ABOUT IT.” So she does! And she’s all, yah, you can pull over at that gas station right there, yah there, coming up on the right, and they have CIGARETTES TOO, because won’t that be nice with the wine. And you can sit on the balcony and just chill out (it’s 40 degrees BTW) and…………wait you missed it, it’s there, right there, no, back there…..hey, heeeeeeeyyyyyyyy….
And I just go so bored I forgot she was talking. YOU’RE A HACK, DORIS.
I tried really hard to concentrate on the feeling, really go with it and not fight it…and after about two minutes I just started thinking about other things- should I make fried rice when I get home? Or maybe I should make a hamburger, yah, that sounds good….
So when your Doris comes a-knockin’ (and you KNOW she will) maybe all you need to do is let her babble and it won’t take you long to realize that she’s utterly and completely FULL OF SHIT.