I Got Better

How do you know she is a witch??

(The blogging slackery must stop.)

Hello, sober blog citizens! I have started and stopped writing several times- rather petulantly, really. I have been super busy. It actually bugs the shit out of me when people tell me that they are “super busy” because, a) no one is as LEGITIMATELY BUSY AS I, and b) bullshit. But I am. Hahah.

INVOLUNTARY EDUCATION

I’m in my last term of school for my limited electrical licensing (mandatory for my job), class is two days a week for 3 hours, plus commute. So I have a few 12 hour days *whine, bitch, piss, moan*. BUT THAT SHIT IS ALMOST OVER. Come June I shall be freeeeee. In manner of speaking- I’ll still have that pesky “day job” and all.

DIY

Excellent weather has forced me to resume work on my rental home to ready it for sale this summer. Weirdly, I have more DIY fodder here than anywhere else but I rarely remember to take pictures for Hammer Down. Fuck.

TINY DRINKS

Spouse and I went out for dinner a few weeks ago and sat at the counter. Not far from us was a couple of guys and I noticed that they ordered adult beverages to have with their meals. One guy got what looked (to my trained eye!!) like a Cranberry Vodka (Cape Cod, if you will), the other guy got an itty bitty beer. The cocktail was in the SMALLEST thimble-like juice glass that would have driven me nuts whilst I was drinking such things. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT? I’ll be done with this little fucker before you even TURN AROUND, bartender!! Anyway. It was sooooo tiny. And they guy just sipped it for 45 minutes, as did little-beer guy. Neither finished. It was like watching unicorns play.

PRETTY SURE EVERYONE I WORK WITH DRINKS TOO MUCH

Inspired by various fitness challenges and my inability to drop a few pounds, the spouse and I decided to do a 30-day sugar free challenge. I don’t normally hit the sugar but the last 6 months or so I’ve sort of listened to my little addict-y lizard brain which told me “GO AHEAD AND EAT ALL THAT CAKE. YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE. YOU ARE PRACTICALLY A CLOISTERED MONK.” My lizard brain is somewhat of a drama queen. I’d say it probably started when I quit smoking. Anyhoo, it’s going pretty well, I transgressed a few times (once with half a bottle of ginger beer, the other with a tiny piece of cake…this sounds weirdly like a Catholic confession…). So I told some of my co-workers about it because I am feeling a lot better and the first thing one of them told me was “There’s no WAY I could give up sugar because I couldn’t go without a drink for 30 days!!” And then another chimed in: “Same here!!” Really? Whoa.

POSSIBLY GETTING YOUNGER

I lost the booze bloat a few months after I quite drinking and was able to return to my casual fitness regimen (with the addition of my awesome bike). However I felt that I had really aged myself by drinking and smoking, and that my face just had a lot of “road years”  on it (if ya know what I mean.) I was afraid I had damaged my skin to the point where I would always look like an ex-drinker. But in the words of the peasant in The Holy Grail who claimed the suspected witch had turned him into a newt, “I got better.”

Seriously, almost a year later and my skin has really begun to repair itself. I look younger than I did 3 years ago. I’M PRACTICALLY A SUPER MODEL-I may quit my pesky “day job”.  I think cutting out excessive amounts of sugar has also helped. So I’m no longer an amphibian. Which is nice.

ALMOST A YEAR

I started this blog 11 months ago (plus one day) on my Day 1. It was also a Monday. I wasn’t hungover but I did drink the day before and I was scared. You maybe have gone through this– horrified about your out of control drinking which propelled you into your first Day 1. Some of you got several months in and felt A LOT BETTER. And then some of you forgot how shitty you felt on Day -1 (which is what I’m calling The Day Before Day One).

I’m glad you feel better (and no longer like a newt, salamander or similar). Some of you have not completely quit drinking but in your efforts to moderate have at least vastly reduced your alcohol intake. You have removed yourselves from potentially dangerous situations, maybe saved your job or your marriage. Yay you!!

If you have decided to return to “attempted moderation” (I say attempted because this is a very difficult thing to manage after you’ve already tapped a box of wine) I want to try to talk you out of it. I want to assimilate you, in a most Borg-like manner, into sobriety. With love, dammit. So I’m bullet-pointing (as opposed to finger-pointing which is NOT VERY NICE):

• Because alcohol has nothing you need.
• Because you are awesome the way you are and need nothing to make you funnier or more interesting.
• Because you will always be control of every decision you make from now on.
• Because no one ever regretted not getting shit-faced the night before.
• Because are you capable of managing your life no matter how hard it gets.
• Because you will finally get to know yourself.
• Because you are worth it.

ANYWAY…..

Whatever you decide to do, just keep doing something. It’s all progress and growth.

AND FINALLY…MOTHER’S DAY (Next Sunday)

Here’s a day when all you want to do is pig out at a buffet (I mean, you know, some people want to pig out….I just pick at my food like a bird…maybe a vulture…) but they will try to shove a live mimosa into your paws. Nothing like being hungover at 2pm!! I, for one, will be getting jacked up on coffee and maybe getting a virgin mimosa (AKA orange juice). I’m seriously considering an AF Bloody Mary (which now that I look at it is a HORRIBLE NAME) with all the “salad”.

Who would miss the the vodker in this monster??

I was actually surprised to discover how many countries share the same Mother’s Day as the US. Anyone else have Mom’s Day plans??