So I’m up REALLY LATE. And if I had gone to bed when I was tired two hours ago I wouldn’t be contemplating the candy bars that are in the garage. SO THAT’S WHAT I GET.
Today was another day brought to you (well not YOU, really) by Sobriety. Spouse and I banged out not one, not two, but FOUR Ikea artifacts, not only beautifying the patio but clearing space in the garage. We cleaned and rearranged patio. I cleaned the grill. The cats are still really pissed that I moved their tree and their food and are still not speaking to me.
And speaking of patios, I finally came face to face with my nemesis– the balcony. Many of you may know that said balcony was the scene of my crime(s) for many years, and I would sit out there drinking and smoking for 4-6 hours a night. Once I gave up drinking I continued to smoke on the belabored balcony for another three months. Then I quit smoking last September and came inside….never to return…
But, well…. IT’S MY BALCONY. It’s JUST HANGING there on the side of my house, steps from my bed. I’M LOOKING AT IT NOW. So today we removed the old furniture and bottles (they were NA!) and my bucket-o-butts and dragged some new-old furniture up there. We swept and we cleaned and now, barring only new cushions for the outdoor chairs, it is nearly ready for my return.
But I wasn’t ready for it until now. And even then I had to make it different so I wouldn’t feel like I was in familiar (albeit shitty) space.
So sometimes you can do that, and you can change your space and where things are (angering the cats) and what’s there and what’s not. And sometimes you can’t. You can’t change whether your friends or family drink, and if your favorite live music spot is triggery you can’t very well ask them to please get new tables and paint the walls a nice sunny yellow and could it maybe not smell like skanky well vodka in here??
And all of that is okay. There’s a lot of shit we have to roll with as people who do not drink. So we’re rolling and most of us are rolling as best we can.
Fuck it, I’m getting a Snickers. While I’m doing that, here is the reason I was up too late, I was determined to finish this post for The Rain in the Trees that I started in February. Maybe you could read it on your balcony!