Christina White

Up Too Late and I’m Probably Going to Eat Something I Shouldn’t

So I’m up REALLY LATE. And if I had gone to bed when I was tired two hours ago I wouldn’t be contemplating the candy bars that are in the garage. SO THAT’S WHAT I GET.

Today was another day brought to you (well not YOU, really) by Sobriety. Spouse and I banged out not one, not two, but FOUR Ikea artifacts, not only beautifying the patio but clearing space in the garage. We cleaned and rearranged patio. I cleaned the grill. The cats are still really pissed that I moved their tree and their food and are still not speaking to me.

And speaking of patios, I finally came face to face with my nemesis– the balcony. Many of you may know that said balcony was the scene of my crime(s) for many years, and I would sit out there drinking and smoking for 4-6 hours a night. Once I gave up drinking I continued to smoke on the belabored balcony for another three months. Then I quit smoking last September and came inside….never to return…

But, well…. IT’S MY BALCONY. It’s JUST HANGING there on the side of my house, steps from my bed. I’M LOOKING AT IT NOW. So today we removed the old furniture and bottles (they were NA!) and my bucket-o-butts and dragged some new-old furniture up there. We swept and we cleaned and now, barring only new cushions for the outdoor chairs, it is nearly ready for my return.

But I wasn’t ready for it until now. And even then I had to make it different so I wouldn’t feel like I was in familiar (albeit shitty) space.

So sometimes you can do that, and you can change your space and where things are (angering the cats) and what’s there and what’s not. And sometimes you can’t. You can’t change whether your friends or family drink, and if your favorite live music spot is triggery you can’t very well ask them to please get new tables and paint the walls a nice sunny yellow and could it maybe not smell like skanky well vodka in here??

And all of that is okay. There’s a lot of shit we have to roll with as people who do not drink. So we’re rolling and most of us are rolling as best we can.

Fuck it, I’m getting a Snickers. While I’m doing that, here is the reason I was up too late, I was determined to finish this post for The Rain in the Trees that I started in February. Maybe you could read it on your balcony!

 

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12 thoughts on “Up Too Late and I’m Probably Going to Eat Something I Shouldn’t”

  1. As I am reading this, I’m eating popcorn (which I have an allergy to) and will follow it with Skinny Cow ice cream sandwichs. It’s the perfect combo for vowing to revamp my diet TOMORROW.

    OK, I am motivated. I am going to declutter and clean my room to create a more tranquil surrounding. I’ve been putting it off forever, which makes me want to filter it through a hazy Cosmo so that I can’t see the dust. Better tackle it now.

    Thanks for the inspiration!

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    1. Since I’ve already established that popcorn is an acceptable meal there is no prob with that (apart from the anaphylactic shock). Good for you! Last year about this time I started reading the KonMari organization book, you might want to check that out as well.

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      1. Since you are the third person to recommend the book to me, I will get it today because we may be going to Florida tomorrow. That would give me days to plan this organization as opposed to actually doing it.

        I lived on popcorn because I could pig out on it without gaining much weight. It is very painful trying to give it up. That and sugar. Is there a rehab for sugar addiction? ; )

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      2. Here’s another plus: it’s a tiny cute book that will fit easily in your HANDBAG. I think you have to go cold turkey on the sugar, or at least restrict treats to weekly. It’s a lot easier than quitting booze and cigs!!

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  2. And you can’t make Country Western Stars quit singing about drinking, making you long for scarred bars, a smoky haze hanging low, and the sound of pool balls bashing the shit out of each other. sigh. I love bars.
    I’ve been on a sugar binge for five years, ever since I quit drinking and once again I find myself on the Atkins and am weepy without my nightly ice cream and I still haven’t lost one f’ing pound, But I’m not giving up, not yet. Just one more mountain to climb to see what’s on the other side.

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    1. Hey Wendy! It’s amazing how a space can be transformed. I have a drip system installed on the front of my house to water my hanging baskets. But I haven’t gotten any up yet this year. You might want to think about that if you are a Plant Killer like me! I have a tutorial on my DIY blog that.

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  4. I am going to have to look into that KonMari book or whatever but I already feel the contrary side of coming out (note to self, find a book about not being QUITE so contrary). I am not very organised and not terribly tidy either but I feel the more days in I get the more motivated to change I become. Building work is under way and I have called in various quotes to have the fascia cleaned on the house. It seems to be part of the process. Glad you are going to get your balcony and well done on changing everything to avoid the triggers. Sorry about the cats, it will take them months to get over it as they are so mercurial. Hope you enjoyed the Snickers

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    1. Hahah! You don’t even have the book and you’re already railing against it in your mind. hahah! The concept makes sense, it’s just a method to process your crap. I did my bedroom konmari and I have kept it (nearly) completely organized for almost a year. I actually talked myself out of the snickers. But I ate a hamburger tonight.

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