Hello Sober Blog Citizens!!
It is I. I have completed three months of real estate transaction torture and an ass-busting work schedule *whine, pule, cry* .
It’s been a while, so I think I’ll just launch into a Quarterly Sober Wrap Up aaaaaand HEREWEGO:
CRYING INTO MY LA CROIX OVER MY FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS
Work has been demanding and annoying. We are in a transition of communication technologies (it’s just so fucking boring I’m not going to try to explain) but the transition is extremely detailed and time consuming. The days are long. I’m on my feet all day. If I wasn’t a well-paid gum’t employee YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY FEEL SORRY FOR ME. Feel free to play your tiny violin with much fervor.
SOLD MY PAST AND WASN’T PAID NEARLY ENOUGH
We were finally able to sell my home of nearly 20 years. I lived in it for 12 of those years, then it was a rental, this year it has found new people to love it. *SPOILER ALERT: MORE WHINING* We spent the better part of a year working on that fucker. Cleaning, patching, repairing, painting OMG THE ENDLESS PAINTING. Plumbing, HVAC, yard cleanup. At one point I just wanted to start writing to checks TO THE HOUSE. But after 60+ days of inspections, paperwork and the World’s Lengthiest Appraisal, the keys were handed off (all 12 of them…the previous renters handed me a baggy of key copies when they moved out..?? WTF….)
CAN’T BE BORED FOR MORE THAN 20 MINS SO I SOUGHT ADDITIONAL DIY
So after multiple visits to the Oregon Coast we finally decided that we needed a beach house. We just started barely looking at budget beach homes in a very competitive market in August with our Type-A agent JoAnn, when several opportunities presented themselves (or rather JoAnn EXPOSED THEM. She’s a real estate MACHINE. Feel free to ask me for her card). One of the homes we had coveted had sold rather quickly just was we started seriously looking. However, it was rumored to have an impending sale-fail (JoAnn has SOURCES that I shall never reveal) and so we made an offer on it before we ever entered the home. Folly??…or genius….??? YOU be the judge. Actually YOU’RE WRONG: the house is awesome. It’s a little bigger than a cabin, no ocean view but you can hear the surf.
It needs…a little help. Not much, we just have to remove the entire laundry room floor and replace it, and wreck out all the cabinets and possibly install a half bath. BUT NOTHING BIG.
WORKOUT IS NOT CONSISTENT BUT I’M STILL PRETTY BUFFED
Back in the summer we began our Arnold Schwarzenegger-inspired weight lifting program. Our original goal was a gym workout 6 days a week. That happened ONE TIME. Now our goal is 4 days a week and sometimes, our goal is ANY DAYS A WEEK. However, it’s a helluva workout. Even when we feel like weak whiny baaaabies (please say that to yourself in a Arnold-ian accent, it’s much funnier) we still bust out 12 sets. On days when we feel POSITIVELY OLYMPIC we do about 24-30 sets. We bench press. We dead lift. We lunge. I haven’t transcended to the next size down yet but I did manage to lose all of the Halloween candy-fat.
So as I prepare to head into another sober holiday season, I am attempting to remain vigilant lest I recreate the Continual Mouth Stuffing Fest of last winter. You know how it goes, starting now until the new year we will all be faced with one endless Sugar’N’Lard Buffet after another.
I say, if you need to eat to keep off the sauce, then eat. Fuck it. Losing weight is waaaaay easier than trying to quit drinking again. For me, when it comes to Sugar’N’Lard products, there’s a little bit of the attitude that got me in trouble with drinking: I’m an adult, I can eat it if I want to. So I’m being mindful of that little stupid-ass voice, and you all may want to do the same. Having said that, however, IF you have a monumental choice between a donut and a mimosa, you know what to do.