Well here we all are! We made it through our respective holiday sitchee-ations and we’re moving forward into a new year. We are, aren’t we????? Yes, I think we are.
The Betty Clan decided to spend Xmas at the beach. It was a bit of feat, but we managed to wrangle myself, Mr. Betty and two proto-adults (the kids) for about 24 hours. Everything went according to plan: we dined at the casino seafood buffet (sadly an off night, but no one was ill, so NOT BAD). We crafted shell ornaments for our cute little beach tree. We played cards. We made gingerbread persons. They were a bit tough. We ate them anyway.
Then, on Xmas day we returned from the coast, and went to the in-laws for a low-flyby and gift-opening. We visited (briefly!) with the fam. Then home for a nap.
ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN.
Do you know why? Because I’m a TOTAL control freak, that’s why. Even so, not everything is within my extensive control (EXTREMELY VEXING BUT TRUE). So I have developed a coping mechanism that I call “rolling with it”. As in, “We’re just gonna roll with it.” This is similar –yet different– than “winging it”. As in, “I’m just gonna wing it.”
I find myself doing a lot of rolling and winging these days. I’m okay with that, improvisation is my middle name.
Rolling With It has several components included (but not limited to):
- Sucking it up
- Not being a whiny bitch *this is not gender-specific*
- Donning one’s mature person undergarments
And then just being okay with the way things unfold. For instance we wanted to spend 2 or 3 days at the beach house but the kids had to work, so we rolled with it. We must roll, bend, stretch and otherwise be SUPER FLEXIBLE so we don’t crack. It’s not a weakness, it’s a strength. Life is handing you lemons, you are making the lemonade. Also, being a whiny bitch tends to annoy people. Please stop it.
Winging It is a bit more of a creative flair with which we manage life using the tools we currently have and our experience and our wits. It has an element of perhaps not being fully prepared but attempting to pull it off anyway.
- You have an opportunity to run a project at work but you’ve never done it before
- You are in the middle of your Ikea-build and find that the pegs aren’t going in the pre-drilled holes
- You are making spaghetti sauce and find that you are out of tomato paste
Winging It is your ability to fabricate innovative solutions ON THE FLY using the tools and skills that live inside you AND making it work by sheer will and confidence. And sometimes the confidence is forced, but I’m a firm believer in Fake It Til You Make It. Life is rapid-firing lemons at your head and you are ducking them Keanu Reeves Matrix-style.
The interesting thing about the winging is that I did a lot of that when I was quite heavily drinking. Because I never never had enough sleep and I never never had enough time to prepare and QUITE LITERALLY NEVER had my shit together in any meaningful way, and I was always just faking it– not confidence, but actual COMPETENCE. I lived like that: LIVED BY THE WING. And you don’t really want to do that, because the ability to improvise is supported and enabled by a foundation of preparation and focus. None of which was going on.
The equally interesting point about the rolling is that I DID NONE OF IT while I was drinking. Because that’s the point of drinking– YOU DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH SHIT. So rather than rolling I was numbing, and rather than handling I was avoiding. And as the avoided bits added up and became overwhelming I felt that, rather than rolling with anything, it was rolling over me. It was an anti-cope mechanism, if you will.
And that’s just fucked up.
So my plan for this new year is to continue with my control freak ways (since they are currently serving me and EVERYONE I KNOW very well. YOU’RE WELCOME.) And when I encounter the unexpected and unplanned, I’m going to shout a string of expletives. And then hopefully handle it with grace and style and BY-GOD FLAIR. And more swearing. Always that.
AS PROMISED: pix of holiday at the beach.