Hating It All

Greetings, Sober Blog citizens! I have missed you, have you missed me?? (A little?? Come on, just a bit???) I have started posts in my head over the last few months but I simply could not be arsed to write them. NO CAN DO.

But here I am, mostly because my friend Beer Portal has somehow arsed herself to return to her blog and it has inspired me so THANK YOU, LOVEY.

I am cruising along towards completing my 2nd year of sobriety, getting ready to wrap it up in a month, and I’m here to tell ya it’s been a bit more of a challenge than the first year. Not staying sober, that’s not a thing. Frankly the thought of drinking horrifies me, no prob there. Just trying to figure out what the fuck I should do with myself now that I’m not insanely busy every minute of every day.

I somehow thought once I sold my old house that was sucking all my time, that I’d be free and I could finally relax . Which sounds like a REALLY GOOD IDEA. In theory. In practice, I have to beat myself into a “relaxed submission” (doesn’t that sound nice? Like something you might be offered at a swanky spa….)

Not that I don’t have projects. Oooohhh no. Because I certainly have plenty of those precious little project babies. However, at this point I’ve gone over so far into relax that I’m having a hard time getting the projects completed, then I have anxiety over that, then my eyes bug out, my head gets all hot and and I have to pop a couple kava and go into my bedroom and watch endless episodes of Star Trek on Netflix. You know, like one does.

I’m so worn out, I haven’t even tried to control and micro-manage a family holiday since the PATI (Passive Aggressive Turkey Incident of 2016). So you KNOW I’m not on my game.

In concert with the SYSB’s (second year sobriety blues) is this fucking endless winter that, for the PNW, started with pissing rain in October, which turned into snow, ice, freezing rain, flooding, windstorms and probably locusts, culminated in record breaking rainfall and low temperatures and general lack of sunlight, AND, is just now (literally this weekend) wrapping up. Which I hate. That is a LOT of commas back there. Sorry about that. Really bad sentence.

In fact, it’s 11am and I just had to TURN ON THE LIGHT next to me because it’s too dark to see. TOO DARK. WHINING A LOT. HATE IT.

And in accordance with the perpetual darkness and gloom (at one point I thought I might be on the set of Van Helsing) I cannot get enough sleep and now I fear that I am sleeping alcoholicly. Is that a thing? I don’t know, but if it is then I now have SOMETHING ELSE I HAVE TO QUIT. FUCK. I HATE THAT.

On the bright side (you knew there would be one), the redemption value on our recyclable cans and bottles and has doubled (from 5 cents each to 10 cents) so I feel like I’m getting ahead merely returning my obscene numbers of La Croix cans.

In the project area, I have 6 of 12 cabinet shelf slides installed in my kitchen, which is life-changing because now I barely have to bend over (which is another thing I hate doing- the list is soooo long) to get a taco seasoning packet out. Oh and I have a beach house (this is where you stop feeling sorry for me, grab your tweezers and carefully nab that tiny violin.)

I have spent this weekend cleaning my house. I may be depressed, but I at least I am no longer living in my own filth (and that of Mr. Betty). We went to the gym. I made tacos. It’s hard to be hateful with a taco in each hand.

Also, I have purchased some essential oil and diffusers and this has significantly improved my mood (and removed a lot of the taco smell from my house). If you are interested (in the diffusers, not my smelly tacos), I’ll be posting about it in Hammer Down. What the hell, maybe I’ll talk about my tacos, too.

The sun has returned for the moment, which bodes well for a possible garage cleaning (did I mention how much I hate the garage right now? SO MUCH).

If you are in a slump like moi, and you are starting to think that sobriety is doing this to you, I want you to know that you are DEAD ASS WRONG. This is life. It’s like this. And this is us. We’re like this. There is nothing about drinking that is going to improve any part of our lives. Alcohol encourages us to pretend that none of this shit is happening, and is the vehicle of neglect for any flavor of feeling. It seriously just makes you CARE LESS. And caring more is probably the way to go here.

I have about 8 million blogs to catch up on, a garage to clean (odds are looking good for that one) and people who feel less loved for my lack of trying to control their lives. So I need to get on that.

I hope everyone is hating it less than me and having a nice (and relatively un-annoying) spring.