If Drinking Unicorns Is Wrong…

…I don’t wanna be right. That went over pretty well earlier this week and I thought you all might like it.

So I’m having a better week (THANK YOU FOR YOUR COLLECTIVE SIGH OF RELIEF). There were two very warm sunny days last week, super warm, INSANELY WARM. Please recall that none of us in the P-N-Dub have seen the sun in 8 months so when a day dawns bright and 80 degrees we react with mixed feelings.

Feeling #1: Yay! The sun’s out!

Feeling #2: Jaaaaaay-sus it’s hot.

So that lasted approximately 36 hours then there was a thunderstorm with rain drops the size of kittens. Then it was cold and dark. Today it’s appropriately sunny and cool, for those of us who aren’t ready for summer up our bums.


So I dragged Mr. Betty out last night to see my friend’s play and on the way in– after 5 minutes of searching for downtown parking (seemed like 30) and bitching at him about how LATE WE ARE (we weren’t)– we were jogging down the alley to get to the theater and apparently there is now a bar there. Not in the alley, but kind of: there’s a patio outside the bar that sort spills into the alley. I know, it sounds shitty. But it’s a really nice alley. Anyway, merry-makers are on the patio having their bevs and smoking, but not ON the patio. Because smokers have to perform their dirty deeds AWAY from decent tax-paying citizens (whom I IMAGINE these were, but really who could say??) And so the smokers were standing the prescribed 20 feet away from the patio that is OUTSIDE WITH ALL THE SMOKE. You can see how this is working. And it’s not just tobacco because this is Oregon, the Beaver-With-a-Bong State. So it’s an interesting crowd.

Anyhoo, we’re on a bit of fast walk down this alley, trying to figure where that bar even came from because it appeared to have just popped the fuck up, and I’m holding my can of La Croix and one of the alley-patio patrons shouts, “Is that Apricot?? That’s my favorite!” and I turn around and he says, “La Croix?” and I was all, “Yaaaaahhhh!!” ya know, like I had just shotgunned a PBR. So I feel like we’re getting somewhere with this NA thing.

After the play, we’re walking back to the car and there’s a ton of people out and about in the streets and you can hear a live band playing somewhere and bars are packed and people are having GOOD TIMES. So Mr. Betty is feeling a bit peckish and we briefly discuss stopping in somewhere for a bite. But it’s almost 10pm and you know what that means…you DO, don’t you??


Any bar or pub or tap house we might go during the day to have a nice meal will have been converted to an ETHANOL-SWILLING DEN OF INIQUITY. Or perhaps I’m being dramatic. It’s annoying enough to try to stop the waiter from foisting a $15 LOCAL, ORGANIC, CRAFT, BARREL-AGED, ROASTED-TOASTED TEQUILA COCKTAIL upon you during the day, it’s nearly impossible to get them to stop trying at night when that’s what we are all BY-GOD SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. So after discussing and ultimately rejecting a stop at the cake shop, we just went home. Because honestly that is where I prefer to be at 10 pm. When House Hunters comes on.

In general, it’s just a way better vibe around here this week. I think people get a ways into sobriety and feel pretty good, in the same way that you feel better when you get over the flu– you’re better, but not ALL THE WAY BETTER. Then one day, after weeks and weeks or maybe months, you wake up and think, “Holy fuck! I feel GOOD. Not just better, but GREAT.” Maybe SUPER GREAT. Maybe silver moonbeams are shooting out of your ass, and that’s how great it is. People talk about a pink cloud full off puppies and candy and sparkly things, you might get that. Maybe you feel like you might actually be taller, thinner, and more interesting. You probably LOOK LIKE A SUPERMODEL and somehow you now speak Chinese, with a French accent. It’s going FUCKING FANTASTIC. Why did we wait so long to do this?? It’s like we transformed into someone else, someone stronger and smarter and definitely soberer.

THEN IT GOES AWAY. Just gone. And you’re like, “Wha’?? Why??!! Where did my glittery rainbow butterflies go??”  Back to plain ol’ you. You’re stiiiilllll you. FUCK.

But that’s a good thing. YOU’RE STILL YOU. Isn’t that amazing? Wherever you go, THERE YOU ARE.

It took many of us years to finally make the decision that alcohol/drugs were holding us back. Then it was a struggle to quit, then the BIG FIGHT was deciding to STAY sober after we start feeling better. When you get to a point where you know in your heart that alcohol is never going to work for you, that’s an LCM (life changing moment). Because now, in the vacuum of sobriety you must choose what does work for you. And what the fuck do any of us know about that?? If I knew what worked for me I probably wouldn’t be in this situation, right??


That’s where being YOU comes in handy. JUST YOU.

  • Not you on flaming chariot riding out of the sun
  • Not you serenely floating above your yoga mat in lotus
  • Not you puttering around your sexy urban kale garden

JUST YOU, living it, doing it, CRUSHING IT every day. Just YOU. You have it all in you, all the answers, every amazing feeling, butterflies and rainbows, a goddam panda if you want it, everything you need, you already have it. In you. JUST YOU.

WHAT YOU SEEK YOU ALREADY ARE. (Stolen from Deepak Chopra, The Book Of Secrets– get it!!)

Whoa. Mind blowing, right?

Okay, it’s taken me all day to finish writing this and, in the interim between starting and finishing, I got outside and walked around in the not-too-warm sun today. Fantastic. Enjoy your weekend, hopefully basking in your own not-too-warm sun, or too-warm sun, whatever solar temperature makes you happy.








11 thoughts on “If Drinking Unicorns Is Wrong…

  1. Yes!!!!! Wherever you go there you are! Also getting sober is the easy part it’s STAYING sober that’s difficult once you realise there is fucking hard work involved, learning to manage your emotions, navigate through life’s ups and downs without numbing yourself.:) It’s really difficult not to want to love and aspire to a new and improved you but self-love is that exactly. Love and accept yourself exactly as you are in this moment. Going to check out the book you recommended. xxx

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You’ll be delighted to hear the karmic rebound retribution came to me thanks to my BAH! GET OVER YIURSELF comment and now I got the funx.
    Yes, wherever I go, there I am! GRRRR! Interesting that I am having a period of wanting to get away from myself so closely after being so happy to be here, wherever here was/is. But then that’s just what you are saying right? Shitting rainbows 24/7, 365 life is not, not even sober life.
    Where I once has “oh my god I have got so much time back, I can achieve so much!!!” I now have “oh my god I have so much time free, what am I going to do???”
    I am very pleased you have bobbed back up to the surface of full Betty-ness or at least can see the surface. Interesting that you decided to throw in a mocking 80 degree reference to this post without the full gloating “eat that rain sodden, cloudy day suffering Ginger” or any other Brits that lurk here ha ha. We too love questioning hourly, daily, weekly, where is the sun? only to melt, complain and throw in the old chestnut about global warming as soon as it hits 75 for more than a few hours.always delighted to see some words from you, you do brighten my day even if I do give the opposite impression.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. To be clear, the 80 degree reference was merely CONVENIENT and coincidental. And quite brief, I assure you. The heat is still on and will be pumping until June.
      I am never offended by you, you are fun and you make me laugh and you do crazy ass DIY.
      And yes, sometimes I,too, feel lost without constant demands on my time– how can I be properly resentful?? haha! You’ll snap out it soon enough. If we wallow long enough we usually become bored with ourselves and say “well, enough of THAT nonsense. What can I install??” You can’t stay sad forever when you have PROJECTS!!


  3. I love your posts so much. They pull me along!
    I love the moment where everything feels exactly perfect. Where you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be, doing exactly what you are supposed to be.

    They are fleeting, but once you feel it once, you know it’s true, even if it doesn’t seem that way and it’s raining and we run out of gas.



    Liked by 3 people

  4. Hilarious, as always! I love laughing out loud over and over again, with my husband wondering what’s wrong with me. Here is the most profound statement for me:

    “In the vacuum of sobriety you must choose what does work for you.” This is exactly where I am — reconstructing a life that doesn’t involve just sitting around, being sober. It’s more challenging that it seems. And I do have plenty of projects, but it seems like there is something bigger calling my name. This is the exact point where I usually revert back to drinking because of the fear of what this bigger thing might require. And I KNOW this path is found by going within. We’ll see where that leads.

    And the weather here is blissful without being too warm. Perfect!

    Liked by 2 people

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