Hello, Sober Blog citizens! I finally allowed the guilt of not keeping up my blog to bring me here this morning, where I shall sit and drink coffee until I either publish or must be scraped off the ceiling.
It’s been a while since I connected with you all, so I’ll throw you a wrap-up to get the key points in.
EMPLOYER HAS TRADED ME LIKE AN OUTFIELDER
I feel somewhat like a sports-team member (Go Sports!) in that I and my co-worker are in the transition of moving to a new unit (same job, different department) and that has been an interesting thing. We were informed of this transition over a year ago, and in typical government fashion it is being carried out expeditiously -15 months later.
During this time there was a rumor that our team (meaning my co-worker and myself, who have worked together for 7 years and are referred to by a certain Control Center Sargent as “Cagney and Lacey”) was going to be split up and our jobs modified, and the anxiety of that drove me to start applying for other jobs because I WILL SHOW YOU FUCKERS. I was feeling pretty outraged and smug and I would just GET ANOTHER JOB AND FUCK YOU ALLLLLLLL. Fortunately, everything was worked out and explained and will be professionally palatable, if you will. Which is good thing since all my employment applications yielded a humiliating bonanza of CRICKETS.
HAVE STARTED AND ACTUALLY COMPLETED SEVERAL PROJECTS
I reupholstered my dining room chair seat cushions. There were six and I did them ALL. Mr. Betty assisted me at the fabric store to pick out the fabric and we both agree that the heavy duty, satin-y feeling, fashion fabric is more pleasing to the butt than the default cotton canvas that I removed.
While feeling creative and browsing on Amazon, I nearly ordered a screen printing set up because I had decided to print my own fabric that I would then sew into wonderful things that I would then sell my hypothetical Etsy shop. But then I got a cup of coffee instead.
ALMOST HAD AN ALMOST-SNOW DAY
The mild PNW winter gave way to some cold temperatures last week and we got a few inches of snow that lasted about 7 hours on the ground. Which was quite the relief as Mr.Betty had just removed the (ridiculously noisy) studded tires from his vehicle the weekend before (I think was 60 degrees that day) when we assumed winter was over.
It’s been odd not having to bitch about terrible weather and as PNW’ers we really don’t know what to do with ourselves. Even the 40 degree sideways rain that I enjoyed yesterday isn’t that bad.
MY SON MOVED AND DIDN’T TELL ME
Apparently my 20 year old son moved into his own apartment last month (from his dad’s house where he lived- I probably would have noticed if he left mine). I found this out yesterday at the family birthday party we attended. He is man of few words (primarily “yes” and “no”) who rarely volunteers information unless you are right in front of him and shining a light in his face. So this really doesn’t surprise me. We found out he bought a new car when he showed up in it (it’s a mint condition 2004 Buick LeSabre, we thought random senior citizens were pulling up to park badly in the driveway). I am guessing he’ll come over for Thanksgiving some year with his wife a few kids and casually mention that he got married and procreated.
SOON THERE WILL BE LESS OF ME TO LOVE
Prompted by the unearthing of my most capacious fat pants, I have recommitted to losing the same 15-20 lbs that I have been juggling for about 15 years. I have repeated this cycle several times and so I have finally learned not give all my biggo pants to Goodwill lest I show up at work uncomfortably muffin-ed in my size-too-small Old Navy skinnies.
I have been using an app called Pound A Week, which seems a reasonable and (ahem) sober goal. However, my version is about a Quarter Pound A Week (not be confused with Quarter Pounder a week, which would be AWESOME but I am no longer eating bread so that’s RIGHT OUT) which ostensibly is a SEVERE DISAPPOINTMENT to my weight loss app. I know this because when I report my progress or lack thereof, it quite mechanically reduces my daily calories to levels which may or may not keep me alive. For instance, last week I only lost .6 of a pound and the miserly app approved 1069 calories for the day. On a Monday? FUCK YOU AND YOUR SOULLESS ALGORITHM.
Thus far, I’ve managed to beat about 3 actual measurable pounds off in 7 weeks (not including the two “ghost lbs” that randomly come and go during the day). However, I have -in combo with planned starvation- returned to the the gym with a renewed vigor and that has actually produced a smallening (yes, smallening) of my person such that the fat pants have returned to the Cupboard of Many Sizes where my size 6 shorts wait patiently for their day in the sun. The current fitness regimen includes a mandatory 20-30 minutes of cardio followed by weight-lifting sets. The result of this frequent gym-going is my personal downsizing AND finding out that my gym plays the same song list almost every other day. If I hear “Closing Time” or similar Y2k Top 40 bullshit one more fucking time I will not be responsible for my actions.
THE BUDDHA LIKES YOU SOBER
One of my local sober friends suggested we check out a Refuge Recovery meeting a few weeks ago. I have not actually attended an AA meeting, however this gathering did strike me as AA’ish. There’s a book and a formula, which I guess you need to maintain some sort of organization lest we “wing it” (which honestly might be more fun). However, its principles come from Buddhism and there is a meditation element which I really liked and which might be a good alternative for some. The attendees were a motley crew of ages and archetypes. Everyone is respectful and there is no pressure to speak if you don’t want to. I did, because someone passed to me and I was like, “Am I on?? Let’s go!”
Other than that, I’d like to report that my hair is looking REALLY GOOD.
Hopefully, everyone made it through the holidays without drinking to make it through the holidays. I attended a post-holiday cookware party hosted by a friend where alcohol was served. My excellent friend of course made sure an NA alternative was available because she is thoughtful like that. The interesting thing is that not one person noticed that I wasn’t drinking alcohol and, moreover, every person ASSUMED that I was. One gal helpfully suggested that we “switch to water”. I was on a sugar high from the 3 delicious Italian soda mocktails I had chugged so I just nodded. So I believe this illustrates how insanely easy it is NOT to drink even when others are, even if you are not an obnoxious teetotaler like myself.
As always, if you didn’t make through the end of the year sober, that’s okay because THIS IS AN EXCELLENT TIME TO START AGAIN. There is no bad time to start your sobriety and take back your life and make it all awesome, like I know you want it.
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