Perfect In Every Way

Or as the French have it, parfait! Which is also a delicious layered dessert, so that’s nice.

So I am writing to all you amazing fabulous sober blog persons FROM ANOTHER LOCATION. Nope, it’s not the beach house. Guess where?? Give up? Are you saying you don’t want to spend several minutes fruitlessly throwing out geographies when in fact you have NO IDEA WHERE I MIGHT BE and suspect that I’m actually FUCKING WITH YOU? Very well!

I am in New York, just a loud shout from the ACTUAL city. I am visiting my friend whom I have known for over 30 years, so you can guess we met back in the proverbial day (in this case High School– NEWS FLASH! I’M OLD!). I really must register my surprise at the copious number of trees here. They are giving the PNW tree-base a run for it’s its money. I mean, they’re not proper trees, you know -evergreen coastal, but they are numerous…

So I’m here with my good friend and we’re hanging out and the coffee is flowing like a bubbling spring and it’s lovely. However, after my first evening, I literally had to reign myself in from being a TOTAL AND COMPLETE ASSHOLE. Because our dynamic is that, apparently, I make gentle life coach style suggestions in a way that’s OFFENSIVELY AGGRESSIVE. (Mr. Betty is nodding his head as he reads this…) I mean, it’s not like I’m perfect. REALLY CLOSE. But not quite.

Let’s talk about this, shall we? (Like you have a choice, right?) Let’s talk about perfection and why we are undone by it. Why we feel “less than” if we don’t achieve someone else’s stylized ideal.


However, I do (as usual) have some suggestions: Instead of beating ourselves up when we can’t be everything to everyone, let’s change the definition of perfection to suit ourselves. Take me, for instance: QUITE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. In my own mind. Seriously NAILING IT AT ALL TIMES. My expectations are down at level of humans, not Olympic gods. I cleaned my kitchen last weekend. ROCK STAR. I woke up at 7:30 instead of 10. GODDESS. Everything counts.

Try this: Get the kids off to school on time? CRUSHING IT. Woke up early and got in 10 minutes of stretching? BRINGING IT ON HOME. Make a list, complete at least one thing on the list, do it well, check it off, pat yourself on the back. Then move on to something else. YOU DON’Y HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR EVER FUCKING LIST TO FEEL ACCOMPLISHED. Just do something.

Little things add up. I started getting up 15-30 minutes earlier in the morning and it changed my life. I shit you not. CHANGED MY LIFE. I now have time to drink coffee while getting ready, make lunch, warm up car, and leave for work on time (or early) without feeling rushed or generally pissed off. I’m in a better mood on the way to work. I’m less prone to road rage. EVERYONE WINS (particularly my fellow commuters).

In other news, ridiculous amounts of cheese were consumed this afternoon. Blue cheese, brie cheese, goat cheese- GLORIOUS CHEESE on a board with sausage and fruit. We hit 3 antique stores, 2 galleries, three boutiques, and a Walmart. So a modestly productive day.

I hope everyone is enjoying their own modestly productive weekends. Remember, practice makes perfect,  but trying to be perfect makes you BAT SHIT CRAZY.



27 thoughts on “Perfect In Every Way

  1. Cheese? Sausage? Fruit? You’ve just described perfection right there..
    Weirdly I think the standards I set for myself when in a drinking phase were way higher and more unattainable .. now I’m hugely pleased with the fact I replaced a lightbulb in the fitting on the landing. Or got the kids to do their homework on a Tuesday instead of 6.30pm Sunday night!! Little things are pleasing me more. Hmm. Just wondering if I can have cheese for breakfast now.. Red xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. DIY Ginger spent 3days, yes 3 full days until 10pm each day renovating a bathroom. Instead of trying to just finish it and cut corners to “get the bloody thing finished” I took a step back and decided that I had done enough for now and I will pick up again next weekend and do a bit more.
    This is HUGE progress for me as before I would have wanted it all done in a certain timeframe and bodged it in the end just to get it done and then spent the next 6 months resenting myself for “yet again” fucking up.
    As for the cheese and sausages…….Red and I will be on the next plane over so please have an ample platter sufficient to our appetites.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t tease me with coming to visit for a cheese party!! You know you are permanently invited. Ooh, we can go to the beach and eat cheese there.
      What are we doing in the bathroom? I need to redo my laundry room/bath.


      1. I have this ridiculous mental image of lactose molecules wielding mini flame throwers and grenade launchers going at it full force on your innards…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Got to a hair appointment after three postponements – YOU BLOODY LEGEND! Got the new puppy outside for more than half her pee calls – GENUINELY OVERACHIEVING! Put away three things from the laundry and went to bed instead – THAT’S STILL THREE THINGS!!! —
    OMG, it totally works xx

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Haha hello (not) Betty!! Still in shock that’s not your name 😉 This post made me laugh a lot. And rang so true, about how I’m NOT being/thinking and how much it doesn’t align with what I tell other people. Cause when I stop to think about it (like right now) I AM FUCKING NAILING IT! HELL YEH!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I read this a while ago and laughed. And then i read it again this evening, as I was feeling a bit guilty about the lack of productivity this weekend. But get this….filled the hummingbird feeders-GODDESS ! Thanks Betty. For Making Life Better xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are your own cheerleader! I get that. After a lifetime of encouraging kids and the general population as a whole, it’s time to turn that power on yourself. I’ve been doing the same thing: I just finished painting the master bathroom! (Or had my husband paint it. Same thing.) I’m down to one giant cookie a day! I’ve given up Frosties! I threw away my small-size pants that I am NEVER going to fit in!

    I could get used to this. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I like your blog, Betty. You are funny and honest. I live in Oregon too! It rules. I am on my umpteenth time trying to be AF. It’s been a week and I feel amazing but summer is coming, you know how it is. So far I’m hunkering down in my home and sticking to routines that work and reading blogs I can relate to, like yours! Good job staying sober btw. Keep up the posts!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I live in Clackamas, Salem is about an hour from me. Bit far for coffee but happy you offered!! 3 years is crazy!! So long! Well I actually went four long years before, during and a little after my son was born but once his terrible twos came along and date nights became a true need for us I rediscovered the lovely escape of alk. It’s all my sons fault haha jk. It’s harder and harder every time you fall back in to get out. Ah well thanks for replying to me! TGIF!

        Liked by 1 person

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