Perfect In Every Way

Or as the French have it, parfait! Which is also a delicious layered dessert, so that’s nice.

So I am writing to all you amazing fabulous sober blog persons FROM ANOTHER LOCATION. Nope, it’s not the beach house. Guess where?? Give up? Are you saying you don’t want to spend several minutes fruitlessly throwing out geographies when in fact you have NO IDEA WHERE I MIGHT BE and suspect that I’m actually FUCKING WITH YOU? Very well!

I am in New York, just a loud shout from the ACTUAL city. I am visiting my friend whom I have known for over 30 years, so you can guess we met back in the proverbial day (in this case High School– NEWS FLASH! I’M OLD!). I really must register my surprise at the copious number of trees here. They are giving the PNW tree-base a run for it’s its money. I mean, they’re not proper trees, you know -evergreen coastal, but they are numerous…

So I’m here with my good friend and we’re hanging out and the coffee is flowing like a bubbling spring and it’s lovely. However, after my first evening, I literally had to reign myself in from being a TOTAL AND COMPLETE ASSHOLE. Because our dynamic is that, apparently, I make gentle life coach style suggestions in a way that’s OFFENSIVELY AGGRESSIVE. (Mr. Betty is nodding his head as he reads this…) I mean, it’s not like I’m perfect. REALLY CLOSE. But not quite.

Let’s talk about this, shall we? (Like you have a choice, right?) Let’s talk about perfection and why we are undone by it. Why we feel “less than” if we don’t achieve someone else’s stylized ideal.

I DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE THOSE ANSWERS.

However, I do (as usual) have some suggestions: Instead of beating ourselves up when we can’t be everything to everyone, let’s change the definition of perfection to suit ourselves. Take me, for instance: QUITE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. In my own mind. Seriously NAILING IT AT ALL TIMES. My expectations are down at level of humans, not Olympic gods. I cleaned my kitchen last weekend. ROCK STAR. I woke up at 7:30 instead of 10. GODDESS. Everything counts.

Try this: Get the kids off to school on time? CRUSHING IT. Woke up early and got in 10 minutes of stretching? BRINGING IT ON HOME. Make a list, complete at least one thing on the list, do it well, check it off, pat yourself on the back. Then move on to something else. YOU DON’Y HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR EVER FUCKING LIST TO FEEL ACCOMPLISHED. Just do something.

Little things add up. I started getting up 15-30 minutes earlier in the morning and it changed my life. I shit you not. CHANGED MY LIFE. I now have time to drink coffee while getting ready, make lunch, warm up car, and leave for work on time (or early) without feeling rushed or generally pissed off. I’m in a better mood on the way to work. I’m less prone to road rage. EVERYONE WINS (particularly my fellow commuters).

In other news, ridiculous amounts of cheese were consumed this afternoon. Blue cheese, brie cheese, goat cheese- GLORIOUS CHEESE on a board with sausage and fruit. We hit 3 antique stores, 2 galleries, three boutiques, and a Walmart. So a modestly productive day.

I hope everyone is enjoying their own modestly productive weekends. Remember, practice makes perfect,  but trying to be perfect makes you BAT SHIT CRAZY.