Less to Love

Hello, People. I’m coming in hot, here to tell you that the situation is DIRE:

MY FAT PANTS ARE GETTING TIGHT! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

Perhaps I should back up a bit. I’m not tooting my own horn *queue aggressive bugling* but I’m preeettttty good at baking. All kinds of baking. Traditional, gluten free, vegan. If sugar is one of the ingredients, I CAN THROW THAT SHIT TOGETHER. And I am even more prolific as an eater of these baked things. Hence the Tiny Pants Rebellion of 2018.

Can I buy larger pants? Sure. Of course I can. But to what end?? MY ENORMOUS BACK END. That’s what.

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned that I am an avid fan of My 600 Lb Life (TLC). I find it very inspiring that a guy who whuffles down an entire pizza while he’s DRIVING HOME can turn on a dime and switch to a 1200 calorie per day diet because he wants to change his life. And so I say to myself– this guy was eating a box of donuts for breakfast and now he’s getting by on 2 eggs and piece of celery. Surely you can keep a brownie out of your face for 10 minutes.

So I suggested to Mr. Betty that we quit sugar for 30 days. And he agreed. And then I said, hey! Let’s also not eat fried foods for 30 days, and he was ON BOARD. And then I said, how about no dairy for 30 days. And he was WITH ME. So I said, that means no cheese. And I turned around to see that I was ALL ALONE IN THE ROOM. Just me and the crickets.

So I’m not baking fantastic chocolate chip cookies or banana bread. And I’m not drinking the occasional Coke or sweet tea. I am omitting cheese from my sandwiches, tacos, salads, pasta, and generally my mouth. I have made vegan sour cream (not bad on burritos, I wouldn’t eat it straight like real sour cream– but of course that is the point.) I eat a lot of avocado. I drink a ton of La Croix. I do put agave in my coffee but that is really just concern for the safety of others. For fucks sake, do I have to give EVERYTHING UP????

So if you’re not completely horrified already, let me further inform you that I am only eating between 11am and 7pm (ish). This is keeping all manner of deadly calorically dense proto-food out of my gullet. I’m wont to finish dinner and then insist that I need something that I don’t need and then proceed to consume it until I make myself ill. Sound familiar??? Fuck ya, it does. That’s basically what alcohol is. Except with a Clif bar and bowl of popcorn. NONE OF WHICH I NEED.

I knew some of my eating was addictive because the during first week I starting getting the brain itch around 7:30. Sure, it’s easy to make these proclamations about future dieting while inhaling a patty melt on parmesan-encrusted Texas toast, but at 7:30 when the cold reality sets in and you remind yourself that you are DONE EATING FOR THE NEXT 16 HOURS…. well, let’s say there was some twitching involved.

I had to remind myself that there will be pain with progress. And it’s very encouraging when I’m uncomfortable because when you are simultaneously hungry, miserable and enraged, you KNOW you are losing weight. My co-worker is less than optimistic however, and has lain in a supply of Oreos to chuck at me, shouting, “Eat a cookie, bitch!!” should I become snarly.

I believe one has to be somewhat careful with dietary restrictions, particularly people who have addiction issues (like moi!) Deprivation of foods can cause a case of the Fuck Its and if there is a choice between, say, a delicious donut and a bottle of wine, take that fucking donut. I do think sugar can be an addiction, but it’s waaaay easier to quit for most (My 600 Lb Life notwithstanding) than alcohol.

I have to get dressed and go to the gym *twitch* so I’ll leave you now.  Please think of me while eating your fondue.

 

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16 thoughts on “Less to Love

  1. Recently I have been waking up every day determined to stick to my planned meals (which are generally low carb, vegetable dense and low sugar), and finding myself eating chips every night.

    It’s a bit of a drag…so I have then been considering cleaning/restricting.

    And….suddenly I realize I’m trying to distract myself from the stress in my life. Gif me, it’s all about control.

    So I’ve stopped. I’ll keep making meals. I may have chips. I’m not allowing a cleanse at this time. It’s a rabbit hole.

    Tread softly. Food is complicated!

    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Good luck on this, I think it’s great!! I totally get it…I am also a fiendishly good baker. I do regular flour for me and the BF, and GF for the kid. It too is all scarf-within-30-seconds-worthy, much to the chagrin of my skinny pants (which I no longer fit in since I quit the booze). I’m only at 130 days so I’m afraid to do anything drastic regarding my diet, lest a case of the dreaded” Fuck Its rear” its ugly and destructive head. Lately I’ve been feeling like shit, though. I stuff my face with cake and ice cream several nights a week after dinner, and it is starting to feel really hollow, definitely not pleasurable, and forced. Kind of like how drinking felt there at the end! Maybe I can start there…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I believe what I feel is quite the OPPOSITE of hollow. Haha! But yes, I’ve been compulsively stuffing my cakehole (not a huge pie fan) with an unending Sugar and Lard buffet. I actually ate a cookie yesterday . Two. At an open house. IT WASN’T MY FAULT. I was weak.
      But for the for the moment, you need to do whatever it is you need to do to keep you OTS (Off The Sauce). And if that means fudgey brownies (oh yes please!!) then so be it. Maybe cut down a bit (don’t take advice from me, I’m a fucking brownie vortex).

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  3. I feel your pain. I’ve really been feeling crappy physically and mentally from all the junk I put in my body. I think I’m ready to start doing something about it. It’s been a back burner thing for quite awhile as I had to focus on not drinking primarily. But it’s time. I hope you cheer me on!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Of course not-drinking is the PRIMO DEALIO. But I do notice that I feel better when I’m eating (somewhat) clean. Couldn’t hurt give to give it a go, it really is a version of self care. Go you!!

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      1. I’ve done it before. Sugar and carbs make me feel like crap. Quitting sugar helps my back pain a lot. I knew there was a connection between sugar and inflammation! Just hard to stick with it. Brownies make me feel so much better when I’m stressed since I don’t drink or smoke any more!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been so good the past two weeks with my eating but I have been smoking. Stopped smoking yesterday (for the millionth time) and so far have consumed my body weight in sugar and carbs. I’m giving myself 3 days to get over it then I’m back on no sugar and refined carbs. It seems to work for me. I don’t know if I’d be able to give up dairy!!! I am very emotionally attached to my LARGE VAT of coffee with full cream milk in the morning. Not to mention cheese!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll tell you confidentiality (😉) the diet is not going well. In fact, I was quite off the diet wagon for a week while my sister was visiting. Every now and again I seriously consider taking up smoking again so I can lose weight. I’m not going to DO IT, but only because quitting smoking is so hard and I don’t want to go through that again. Good luck to you friend!! It’s all hard, isn’t it?? Our road to saintdom and perfection…

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  5. Thank you for making me smile and laugh! I’ve been on a fact finding mission to consider reducing sugar the last few weeks and have been trying to eat healthier overall—mostly plants these days lol. . But I get a little squirrely when restriction comes into play and usually go the moderation route with everything (everything but alcohol – never could never can never will be able to moderate). But I am aware that my intake of sugar and caffeine has gradually increased this summer — and I I’m pretty sure I’m self medicating stress. Just want to be more mindful while not flipping myself into crazy. Your point about additive tendencies— yep! Mine have gone through several morphologies— eating disorder, then crazy chimney smoking habit, obsessive exercise which I finally overcame but I think it all just went underground and resurfaced finally with booze. Would be nice to finally be well and done with all of it.
    So how is it going at this point with you? And I’m jealous of the baking thing, btw. My lack of focus usually means I tend to leave out vital ingredients and end up with inedible treats Crushing my kids dreams over here !

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Baking is my joy and my nemesis!! My diet lasted about 2 weeks and then my sister arrived for a visit- DIET OVER. Yesterday I had cake for lunch. So that’s how it’s going.
    Baking is trial and error. Remember that as long as you put a great deal of butter and sugar in it you’ll have a hit. And if all else fails, anyone can make a rice crispy trea

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