And I’m feeeeeelin’ good!
Hello, Sober Blog Citizens! It was my great friend Ginger who awoke me from my slackery slumber to return and commune with you good people. Thanks Ginge!
When I finally popped open my browser and saw that I had not written here since August I was aghast (and that is certainly not a literary trick). Since I’ve been away so long and so much has happened (in Betty-Years, not actual people time, I’m quite boring) I will bring you a 2018 Wrap Up HEREWEGO
HOT TUB HEAVEN (OR HELL- YOU BE THE JUDGE)
I’ve been whining about a hot tub for approximately the last 10 years. A hot tub, I said, is a very beneficial thing AND I would enjoy many health enhancements from it AND my back is hurting all the time AND wouldn’t be nice to just soak in the water after a gym workout AND WOULDN’T IT BE SPECIAL on a cool evening to soak under the stars AND—-
Finally in September Mr. Betty (more or less to shut me the hell up) and I finally knuckled down and selected a beautiful unit from a local tub monger. The tub we chose is the 220V/50amp variety which requires a new circuit and of that means $$$$CHA-CHING$$$$ call the electrician. I’d like to point out that electricians in my area are apparently so busy and precious and that many of them cannot even be arsed to return a phone call. The ones that do are either incompetent or astronomically expensive. We chose the latter.
So here we are waiting for the tub to be crafted by the local factory with our specifications, about 3-4 weeks. Meanwhile, I can’t schedule the electrician (who schedules 2-3 weeks out) until I know about when the tub is coming. Then we get the call– the tub is ready! We schedule delivery (by this time it’s the end of November) on a Weds, electrical the following day. Hot tubbery is in sight….ALAS TRAGEDY. The tub, even though on the smallish side, will not fit through any of my household orifices!!! The gate is blocked by the garage roof overhang, the garage door too narrow, the other side of the house too steep. NO HOT TUB FOR US.
The tub monger advises us that the tub will be delivered the next week via crane. Yes, a crane (I have video). Said equipment shows up, parks on my (shitty) lawn and lifts the tub OVER MY HOUSE into the back yard. Of course by this time the electrician is another 3 weeks out. In the meanwhile, Mr. Betty and I (having wisely waited until the coldest, rainiest time of the year even though we’d known since September that the tub was coming) procure our giant gazebo with 15,000 parts that we must now put together for 8 hours in the rain on the one weekend day we have left before the rescheduled electrician finally arrives. SPOILER ALERT: We are still married.
Prologue: Tub is wired, filled, chemicalized, covered, lit up and ready to rock!! It was worth all the annoying bullshit. Get one!!
CHRISTMAS SPAGHETTI AND THE HOBBY ACCELERATOR
I went to Hobby Lobby in early December to research my Christmas tree theme. I always have a Christmas tree theme, ever since my second divorce from the person who insisted that a) Christmas colors are exclusively green and red and all other colors are BLASPHEMY, b)every ornament one owns (including but not limited to: the paper ones you made as a child and Simpsons McDonald’s Happy Meal toys) should be heaped upon the defenseless tree in a jumbled Christmas-vomit, c) tree should be covered in tinsel (KILL ME).
I wanted my trees to look like the ones you see at Macy’s– beautiful, ethereal and most definitely THEMED. So I went to HL because I was thinking about a lovely pink theme, with feathers and sparkles and frondy things, vaguely Victorian. But when I arrived I was entranced by the down-home, lodge-y decor– strips of denim and gingham and pine cones and twigs and owls and tiny galvanized metal things. Ooooh. Woodsy….Owl-y…..Piiiiiney. This would be my theme. Of course I’m not going to buy any of that shit because I’M CRAFTY AND I CAN MAKE IT. So I went about gathering bits for my Christmas crafting.
But of course I wasn’t at Joannes, or Walmart, it was HOBBY LOBBY FOR FUCK’S SAKE. So as I was wandering up and down the aisles (I think the area of the store is 2.7 square miles) I started and then rejected no less than three new hobbies: screen printing, block printing, fabric painting, and probably a few others that were even less plausible. In the end (two hours later), I cheaped out and re-used ornaments I already own in a Pink and Aqua theme (wrapping paper to match!!)
Last year we did not attend the Family Christmas Gathering (at my in-laws), preferring instead a Christmas Eve gathering of just our kids, a brief visit to the inlaws and then delicious Christmas day sloth. So we felt we’d better make an appearance this time lest we be disinherited. The problem is that while my MIL loves to entertain, she is completely over constructing a holiday meal and now forces us all to eat spaghetti, frozen lasagna, or similar because she cannot be arsed to cook a dinner. Now then, I am of course (as a control freak) unopposed to taking over a holiday to ensure that a meal is done justice –which is why I always have Thanksgiving at my house (particularly in light of the PATI of 2016). But corralling my in-laws into a cohesive culinary machine to produce an efficient and enlightened family holiday dinner is completely exhausting (#alaspoorme #worldstiniestviolin) so instead, I soldiered on and brought my own lemon olive oil for the sticky pasta and ate salad. And La Croix. OBVIOUSLY.
THE HILLS OF BEVER-LY
In September I attended SheRecovers in LA, Beverly Hills to be precise. Two of my sober lady friends and I pledged to share housing and we ultimately decided that the roomier, more frugal route was to reserve an Air BnB condo rather than cram the three of us in a tiny hotel room. Our apartment was a 2-bed 2-bath affair in BH, a fabulous walkable neighborhood where the streets are clean and everyone is happy (because they live in BH!!). We somehow managed to get in and out before the wildfires started and somehow the skies were a clear blue with no smog (smog is not allowed in BH!! ). So we’re at the BH suburban grocery store and I’ve got a super cute bottle of agave sweetener- it’s got a cactus on the front of it- which spooks one of my dear roommates (she thought I was buying tequila hahahah). Otherwise a very good vacation! Food at the conference was fabulous, speakers were amazing. I got to meet some bloggers, saw old friends, made new friends from abroad (hi, Claire!!) did some yoga, and ate Kosher vegan Thai food. Best part was staying with my friends (and BH!!) in our $1.5M apartment (I looked it up on Zillow).
So that brings me to the word of the year that came to me just the other day as I was thinking about how awesome this new year will be (I literally ALWAYS think that). I had decided (as I planned my entire year in my head, as one does) that I am going to expend more effort to reach out to friends that I don’t see very often, even if they are squidgy about communication. I am going to expend more effort to guide my young adult children (otherwise known as GREAT, MOM IS UP MY ASS). And this led me to CONNECTION. So that’s my word and that’s what I’m working on.
ALCOHOL STILL SUCKS
Just in case you were wondering.
Well, that about wraps up my fall/winter/holiday/new year. I promise to do better in the blog post department. If you have a WOTY or a goal or just want to say HI!, do leave me a comment!! Haven’t chatted with many of you in a while and I’d love to know how it’s going.
Happy New Year!!