Happy Holidays…They Probably Won’t Be!

….Is what I said to my co-worker while in the office earlier this week. He cackled for about 10 minutes. But, come ON, you have to admit this year is an unmitigated flop, right?

Ooh, except for the US presidential election, which went (almost) according to plan- at least for me (and most of the free world.) I’ll be honest- I would have voted for a lemur in a suit, at this point.

This is why I love the internet. LEMUR 2020!! I conceived “lemur in a suit” in my mind as an example of the absurd and then I googled… AMAZING.

Anyhoo, people are very sad this year because they cannot (should not anyway) host gatherings. Personally, this is not a huge thing for me; my default being, “I don’t want those fucking people in my house!” You know, my friends and family. But I do miss meeting my friends for lunch which was acceptable and not terribly dangerous during the outdoor dining season. However, ever since I heard the term “COVID Cabana” with reference to outdoor dining tents I have changed my tune about the safety factor for such.

So now I find myself haunting my own house, like a bewildered spirit who cannot cross the threshold into the real world (albeit a ghost with an Amazon Prime account and DashPass). BUT! Ever one to take the sour yellow fruits and squeeze them meaningfully, I have found some solace is these dark-ass times.

MUSICALLY, I AM ON FIRE

In a mediocre way. More like a mug warmer, really. Now that I work mostly from my home office/music room I have access to my fancy new guitar and I often take “guitar breaks” which is allowing me to suck less. Currently, I have no aspirations of a tour or pub gigs, but if I ever invite humans to my home again they may be forced to enjoy my “stylings” (which for the record, are mostly 70’s easy rock hits. Yes, Summer Breeze is one of them.)

WRITING LIKE A MOFO

I’ve been spending a lot of time writing since I decided to start a novel in June. Not just writing (I’m on chapter 14 with 27k words!) but editing, watching writing webinars, reading about style and plot and pacing and just immersing in all things, um, write-y. And this had improved my overall skill level, not just in my personal life but at work, where I do a lot of technical writing; this blog, where you have all suffered my questionable and flamboyant grammar for lo these 5 years; and most importantly, my online product and venue reviews are spot-on. When you see a review from ChristinaWSalemOR on Amazon you know you can TRUST ME, not only to deliver honest and meaningful feedback about that shower head set or the pet hair removal device, but to string a sentence together rather coherently.

CONTINUING TO COVER ANY REMAINING BARE WALLS

I told you about my renewed focus on hanging art a while back when I discovered plentiful and inexpensive frames at the Hobby Lobby. Well, this year I came to the conclusion that my own photography is slightly north of “not bad” and I had a few items professionally printed to frame. This process was a delight- for $19 I received a poster print of picture I took with my phone at Wallowa Lake. Got a custom mat from Etsy and a cheapo frame from Ikea and now there is a beautiful 24″x36″ piece of original art in my stairwell. I KNOW. BRILLIANT. Check out finerworks.com if you are interested in exploring your own “not bad” or possibly, “OK” potential.

KITCHEN CABINETS STILL NOT PAINTED

I don’t really have an excuse for this. I just kind of don’t want to do it. Maybe this is not a great example of shit getting done. Never mind. Look away…

BOUGHT A BEACH HOUSE

I kind of still don’t know how that happened. One day I was looking at listings for $600k houses with an ocean view and the next we were selling our little beach cabin and buying a this new house (it doesn’t have a $600k view but you can see the ocean.) This is keeping us busy (and in shape, there are 2 flights of stairs). Just last night we pushed ANOTHER heavy object up these fucking stairs (foam mattress, which you’d THINK would be light). Then the hideous furniture that was already in the house gets to go downstairs. What I really want to do is push it all over the balcony and light it up in the front yard in the mother of all bonfires. But, in deference to my neighbors and possibly the law, instead we’re going to have a giant garage sale and EVERYTHING MUST GO. (And remaining unsold items will feed the flames…. muhuwahahahaha!)

ALCOHOL STILL SUCKS

In case you were wondering.

Well, that wraps her up. I have more heavy objects to hump up these goddam stairs, followed by many hours of assembly, a harried trip to the more-popular-than-ever Taco Bell drive through, and MAYBE a beach walk.

If you haven’t already, get on over to Christina White Writes and read my shit. It’s better than my guitar playing and photography.

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