Hey There Project gallery at The Mincing Mockingbird, Joshua Tree, California. Artist Lorien Stern

The Wrong Trees and The La Croix Faucet

Greetings, Sober Blog Citizens. I’m literally on hold with Keurig technical support right now, on account of my new-ish K-Cup brewer causing me and Mr. Betty the vexing first world problem of only brewing 10oz when 12oz button was depressed. They are torturing me with the worst hold music known to civilization, punctuated with suggestions to descale my brewer which I ALREADY DID and they would know that if they would come to phone.

So while I wait, I want to tell you all about my recent trip to Palm Springs. First of all, I love it SO MUCH. I kind of knew I would love it because the weather there is very similar to where I grew up, in the Central Valley: hot, windy and dry. Mr. Betty and I had more or less obsessed over it for the last 2 years. We had a trip planned in 2020, right around this time, but of course it was canceled (like everything else vaguely enjoyable last year). So we rescheduled just in time for Palm Springs to reopen and we stayed in a very lovely AirBnB condo. Because PS is Condoville. Miles and miles of complexes resembling pueblos, spanish missions, Egyption tombs, Aegean villas and funky mid-century swing pads, with names that are comprised of inifinitely variable combinations of the words “palm”, “canyon”, “mesa”, “desert”, and roads named after dead 1950’s and 60’s movie stars. The communities are studded with pools, hot tubs, tennis & pickleball courts and all the golf you can eat. What’s not to love?

This is not a Joshua Tree.

So my first thought whenever I go to new a new place that I fall in love with is I NEED TO BUY A HOUSE HERE. We had already considered the thought since Palm Springs is actually one of the more reasonable areas of California where you can buy a home or condominium. Meanwhile, back at the ranch (actually it’s a 1970 tri-level) I still have 3 bathrooms to remodel and the designer/contractor I was going to work with is too busy to put us on her schedule so I’ll have to find someone else who may or may not completely understand me. Sigh. On top of that, when we returned home from PS we discovered that everything is damp and the trees are wrong; they are not gigantic palms, gently swaying in the breeze, but massive Doug firs and white oaks getting ready to crush the house as soon as they find the right storm. But I’ll get by…

In other news, Facebook targeted ads finally brainwashed me into buying a Sodastream, which is essentially a La Croix faucet. It was pretty good deal and I got the aqua one with the Bubly blackberry flavor. I figured out the ROI would be a month based on the number of cans we normally drink (approximately the same 60 liters that one CO2 cannister will make). That’s 169 cans per month, which breaks down to 21 8-packs per month x $3-$4 per pack, about $84 plus can deposit $16.90. However, now of course I need additonal cannisters ($60 for 2), and more bottles ($20 for 2) etc. So my ROI will take a little longer to recover. BUT! The upside of the Sodastream (or other carb bev makers; I’m guessing they are all alike) is that you can make the water as bubbly as you like it. So you can bet my sparkling bev is CRUNCHY AS FUCK. Or if you are person who likes but few bubbles (I won’t pretend to understand it, but I accept you as you are) you can also make a less crispy version.

Finally, I have come to terms with the result of 12 months of hiding in the house and not going to the gym and stress-baking and the conclusion is not pretty- I am officially LARGE AND IN CHARGE. I ressurected my Lose It! app and started recording my calories yesterday. I’m already pissed off and hungry, but you have to start somewhere. Much like quitting alcohol (pissed off and sober) or cigs (pissed off and twitching) you have to take the pain. The first thing I did was blow away all the old data in the app so as not to remind myself that I started using it when I was only few pounds over my current goal weight. It’s better that way. I’m returning to my go-to method of weight loss- eat basically the same thing every day. This week, I made a giant container of cooked grains, barley and quinoa (which is technically not a grain but it’s pretty and fun to eat) and grilled up a mess o’chicken breasts. Coupled with various chopped and leftover veggies and my creative sauces and a head a of lettuce, I have an array of lettuce wraps and grain bowls to stuff into my angry face. Trying not to think about pizza.

Every now and again I think about how nice it would be to have a wee drink. Then after I’m finished laughing at myself for even suggesting that there would be anything wee about my alcohol consumption, I move on. What else?

Lastly, writing has been coming in clumps for my novel; I’m about 1/2 way through, I think. If you haven’t checked it out, it’s at ChristinaWhiteWrites.com and also there’s a link on my blog. If you enjoy it, subscribe and throw me a like.

Also!! My friend and sober blogger and author Jackie Elliott has a new mystery book out and it’s fantastic! You can find Coffin Cove here on Amazon US.

Well, you’ll be gratified to know that, after 30 minutes on hold while listening to loud and aggressive flute music, and another 10 minutes of troubleshooting, Keurig is sending me a replacement. Enjoy your spring and may your coffee maker behave for you.


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