The Best of My Lurve

Hello Sober Blog Citizens!!

It’s been a helluva month here in the PN Dub. Crazy amounts of rain and sun and rain and sun have caused the Life After People conditions to return to my back yard. It’s been GO GO M’THAFUCKIN GO around here so the blogs in my head have not made it to press. In an effort to cover my ass, I’ll go ahead and do the sober month wrap up HERE WE GO:

HOUSE FOR BY-GOD SALE

Yes, my home of nearly 20 years, rental for the last 5, is finally on the market. The last 3 months’ evenings and weekends have been spent in furious preparation for this month’s listing. I actually attempted to hire several contractors to assist with repairs but they never seem to work out- after our walk throughs, instead of sending me a quote, they sort of SLITHER AWAY never to return. Apparently I’m supposed to wave a wad of cash under their noses saying, “But I have CASH MONEY!!” One has one’s pride. On the up-side, the place is looking good! On the slightly-less-than-up-and-quite-possibly-down side, I’m the only one who seems to know it’s for sale. We decided to do FSBO, and our advertising skills appear to be lacking. However, ever the opportunists, Mr. Betty and I are coming up with creative and exciting HOUSE BAIT. Not the least of which is having Mr. Betty play banjo on the porch; nothing says “Home” like a sweet, sweet banjo tune. If you’re relocating, you’ll want to give me a call. This gem won’t last forever.

Festive “open house” sign shall be festooned with dollar store balloons. Yes. We go all out.

CANNOT SEEM TO MAKE MY CLEANERS HAPPY

My schedule change at work has totally screwed up the visits from The Cleaners. They are being A LITTLE BIT PRECIOUS about when they can show up and I may have to abandon the master bathroom pretty soon, it’s rather gamey.

SCHOOL’S OUT FOR-EVAH!

I am done with classes!! It’s ovahhhh. Now I am just waiting for the go ahead to take my state license test and I’ll be TOTALLY LEGIT.

SHARING MY GIFT WITH THE WORLD (WHETHER THEY WANT IT OR NOT)

I have been chatting with another writer about collaborating on a project, including (but not limited to): podcasts, advice, reviews and general hilarity. Most likely in a web format, possibly an actual book. Basically, it’s us being ridiculous and making people laugh until they pee (because that’s what success looks like to me: incontinence).

I FINALLY PLACE MY GUITAR IN A SPOT WHERE I CAN PLAY IT AND AM CONFRONTED WITH THE GHOSTS OF CABO PAST

Yesterday after work, I retrieved my acoustic guitar from the music studio and placed in my Mom Cave. I’ve been thinking about the guitar for months. I’ve been playing songs in my head. I’ve been writing music in my mind. So when I finally got that baby in my hands, no one was more surprised than me that I STILL KIND OF SUCK AT IT. I am undiscouraged.

What I was not expecting when I entered the music studio was to be smacked with a reminder of all the drinking I used to do down there– mostly tequila shots (just typing this made me gag). So I sort of hurried out, hopefully shutting in the Cabo Wabo demons behind me…fortunately most of their entreaties were EN ESPAÑOL so I couldn’t understand them. Silly diablos!!

And that’s the reason why I STILL SUCK. Because for several years I only played guitar when I was drinking, and I never really learned anything except how to play guitar drunk. VERY ENTERTAINING, NO??

No prob. I have a giant Eagles tab book and a half rack of NA beer.

Mah guitar. Ready make mediocre music and play Eagles songs very slowly.

EVEN SOBER, WE AMUSE STRANGERS WHEREVER WE GO

Mr.Betty and I went out for breakfast/dinner last night and, as usual in a close-seated restaurant, did not fail to amuse the diners directly next to us. They were drinking. We were not. We were WAY MORE FUN. We always are.

So here I am in starting YEAR TWO** if my insanely fabulous sobriety. I did it. I’m HERE. A year ago I still wasn’t sure if this gig would be forever or just until I got my shit together. The thing is, when I got my shit together I realized that I could keep my poop grouped thusly FOREVER as long as I stayed sober. Seemed like a pretty good deal.

If you are still waffling over whether or not you think sobriety is for you I want to strongly suggest YOU JUST GIVE A SHOT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. What have you got to lose?

ANYWAYS it’s taken me all day to write this so I’ll just wrap up the wrap-up.

**UPDATE- I have read comments and I think it maybe looks like I’m 2 years into sobriety. Not the case- I say I’m “starting year 2”, because I just finished year 1, on June 1. So just be clear, I didn’t promote myself to year two:)