Resentmentz…I Haz Dem

Little LOLCat throwback for ya there.

So I’ve started and discarded (kinda rhymes!) several posts which never made it to print– ya know, virtually speaking. Frankly, I’ve been somewhat pissed off lately and I’m trying to deal with that in a *ahem* mature manner. I have of late been metaphorically injured by several cruel events, including but NOT LIMITED TO:

• There was the Passive Aggressive Turkey Incident of 2016 (PATI), wherein someone HI-JACKED Thanksgiving out from under me, in a super-friendly way that only a relative can pull off, and I think most of you KNOW WTF I MEAN BY THAT, YES?? OOOh, yes.
• Then we find out that other relations who COMMITTED (I have it writing, thank you TEXTUAL MESSAGING TECHNOLOGY) to our Holiday-By-The-Sea Adventure have backed out in favor of eating a Costco lasagna with other relations who may, or may not have been involved in PATI.
• At work, several of my co-workers and I may be traded to another department as if we were sports team members (I don’t do sports analogies, feel free to insert your own here if my description is inadequate.)
• I just discovered that in the process of selling my home, my property taxes were overpaid by the title company and now I have to endure (yes, it’s physically painful) a ridiculously slow process of paperwork to get mah money.

This is a partial list of the heinous injustices done to me, a semi-litany of my first world problems IF YOU WILL. So many resentments. What good are they? What will I do with them?? STEW IN THEM, OBVIOUSLY. So I’ve been doing that but I’m starting to get really bored with myself. And you may be getting bored with your own self, as you stew in your own (PERFECTLY VALID) resentments. You may say to yourself: Yes, I have MOST DEFINITELY been put out. Aggrieved. Slighted, really. But how long should I wallow in my (CREDIBLE AND REASONABLE) acrimony? What should I do?

My research indicates that your (ABSOLUTELY LEGITIMATE) wallowing should go on for no more than ONE WEEK per incident. This is by no means a scientific assessment, merely plucked anecdotally from my own experiences. You see, resentments are the “lunch meat” of feelings- they start to smell and go wonky approximately 7 days from the day you first packed up those wounded little feelings in a freshness-dated parcel. (That part is ACTUALLY science!)

This will free you up to build EVEN MORE RESENTMENTS if you wish (you can only juggle so many at a time, after all). Or possibly do something constructive instead. As sober humans, we seem to draw resentments like a MAGNET. But, as sober humans, we are infinitely flexible and able to correct our errors and improve ourselves.

SAY, THAT’S GREAT ADVICE. BUT HOW DO I DO THAT??

• We really just have to let this shit go. If you can meditate it out, that’s great. If you can visualize it leaving you, that works too. If you need to tell yourself, “Hey, knock that shit off.” then do so. Move on, for fuck’s sake. Are you going to live the rest of your life around that moment? Um, no.
• Find something positive to do. I find that focusing on positive constructive things generally removes me from the negative spaces. Just DOING something (with your body or parts thereof) can move your mind.
• Give more. This is a hard one, especially when you’ve been RIPPED THE FUCK OFF, MAN. I think this is a Buddhist thing: when you feel you don’t have enough, give more. Try it!

In other news, my new beach house has presented me with another awesome opportunity for non-stop DIY (no time for resentments here!). However, because the DIY is happening at the beach I can’t really complain about it (I mean…I will, but…) It’s kind of like being on vacation but you have to install lighting fixtures and replace the deck while you’re there, if you can dig it.

I’m off to finish my Xmas shopping, so I hope everyone is enjoying this holiday season (or at the very least enduring it with a big fake smile on their face!! Come on now, like ya mean it!!) and I will of course be doing it sans-alcohol again this year, something I feel NO RESENTMENT about whatsoever. Happy Sober Holidays!